


Destiny and Dr. McCoy - Part Two "Getting To Know You"

by ChickSinger99



Series: Destiny and Dr. McCoy [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Drug Use, F/M, Gen, Medical Examination, Medical Procedures, Slow Build, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-03 18:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14001762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickSinger99/pseuds/ChickSinger99
Summary: As the title states, this is part two of this series. It won't make much sense unless you read part one first. This part is devoted to learning - sometimes along with Zoe - who she is, mentally, emotionally and physically.





	1. Day 11

Day 11

01:00 –

Dr. McCoy gets up and pulls on a robe to answer an incessant buzzing at his door. This had better be life or death, he thinks. He had finally fallen asleep and sleep has been in short supply these past few nights.

The door opens to someone in maintenance coveralls and a hat. It takes him a second to realize that it’s Zoe.

“Zoe! Get in here!”, he says, checking the hallway to make sure she wasn’t seen. “Let me have a look at you.” As the door slides closed he has already knocked off her hat, checked her head for bumps and bruises and turned her around to look for obvious injuries. As he leads her to a chair she stumbles. He catches her and sits her down gently. Grabbing his tricorder, he scans her thoroughly. It is only after he is satisfied that she is in no imminent medical danger that he is finally able to look her in the eyes.

She sees a depth of concern there that she hasn’t seen before. What does it mean?

His voice breaks as he asks, “Where have you been? We’ve all been worried sick about you.”

He hands her a communicator and she types, _“I am hungry.”_

“Have you eaten anything since you ran?”

She shakes her head no.

It takes all his willpower to stay calm. He tries silently counting to ten as he says, “Stay there. You must be starving.” Walking to the replicator he pushes a few buttons and returns with a cup of warm soup.

“Here. Sip this. Slowly.” He hands it to her and kneels in front of her chair.

He studies her for a minute before speaking again. “Zoe, why did you run from me? I thought you trusted me.” And suddenly the image of his last sight of her returns and he can’t suppress his anger any more. He doesn’t trust himself to touch her, but he puts it all in his eyes and voice.

“If I wasn’t so relieved and happy to see you safe and sound I’d take you over my knee for that stunt with my phaser and spank you until you couldn’t sit for a week! I would tell you I was going to do it, but make no mistake I would do it.”

He can tell from her eyes that his point has been made. She has stopped sipping her soup, but she hasn’t looked down or away. She isn’t angry, she isn’t offended, she is simply resigned.

 _“You were about to turn me over to your Captain.”_ , she types.

“’Turn you over’? What are you talking about? Captain Kirk would never hurt you. You may not believe that, but I know it. And besides that, I certainly would never allow anyone to hurt you – not even the Captain. Do you understand that?”

She looks at him for a long moment and then types, _“I want to trust you.”_

”Zoe, Kitten, you **can** trust me. You can. We’re friends, remember? Come here.” He wraps his arms around her and rocks her gently for a moment. After a few seconds it seems as if she is returning his embrace and finally relaxing a bit in his arms. His heart swells momentarily until he sneaks a peek at her face and chuckles to see that she has drifted off to sleep. He sits her back in the chair and she startles awake.

 _“I am sorry.”_ , she types.

“Don’t be. Look, it’s late. We’ll talk in the morning. Finish your soup so I can take you back to your bed.”

But hearing this she shakes her head no and types, _“You said I can trust you. I need to believe you. I told you I have not eaten since I ran. Well, I have not slept either. I had to mask myself so that I would not be found.”_

He is reading over her shoulder now as she continues to type. _“I am exhausted. I came here because I am tired of being afraid and alone. I am not afraid when I am with you. Please let me sleep here tonight.”_

She pauses and turns to look at him.

He sighs. “Zoe, look around. My room is small. I’ve just got the single bed. Not even a couch.”

_“I am fine on the floor. I would prefer to sleep on the floor between your bed and the wall, it is enclosed and out of sight.”_

Her evident determination and his own fatigue eliminate any desire to argue. “Alright, but on one condition. As soon as you wake up we’re talking to Dr. Baker. You have to understand… Well, we’re not getting into it tonight.”

_“And you will not say anything to the Captain until after we talk to Dr. Baker?”_

“Do you **want** me to get court-martialed?”

_“Please. It is important.”_

“Against my better judgement, I will wait. Now sleep.”

He tosses her a towel to put under her head and she disappears between the bed and the wall. By the time he has found a spare sheet she is sound asleep. He drops the sheet over her sleeping form, removes his robe, falls into his bed and is quickly asleep himself.

07:00 –

In the morning Dr. McCoy pages his head nurse to let her know he will be working from his quarters today if needed. Remembering Zoe, he checks on her and sees that she hasn’t moved all night. He tries to wake her to offer his – now empty – bed, but his attempt fails. So, he lifts her up, places her on the mattress and covers her lightly with the sheet. She doesn’t even stir.

He invites Dr. Baker to join him in his cabin for lunch. If Zoe hasn’t risen on her own by then at least she will have had enough sleep that he won't feel too badly about waking her. His morning passes quickly.

13:00 –

Zoe still hasn't moved by the time Dr. Baker arrives. His eyebrows arch when he sees her on the bed.

“Whoa there.”, McCoy says. “It isn’t what it looks like. She showed up at my door this morning exhausted. Said she hadn’t slept since she ran. I told her she could stay and sleep but only if she agreed to talk to you when she woke up. We need to find out what set her off so that it doesn’t happen again. Have a seat.”

“Does the Captain know she’s here?”

“Not yet. That was her idea. She insisted that she had to see you before she talks to the Captain.”

“So, what’s your plan?”

“Plan? Hell, it’s been all I can do to make it from one day to the next since she came aboard. I keep thinking how lucky we are not to be in the middle of some inter-planetary crisis in addition to all of this. I just want to know what the hell spooked her so badly. I don’t think my heart can take another scare like the one with the phaser.”

They glance over at Zoe. She hasn’t moved, but her eyes are open now. She sits up as Dr. McCoy approaches with a communicator.

“You slept soundly.”

_“Yes, thank you.”_

“Are you hungry? We’re about to have lunch.”

 _“Yes, but may I shower first?”_ She indicates his bathroom.

“I suppose.”

_“Do you have anything I can borrow to wear? Something soft and loose?”_

“Let me look.” As he searches he asks her what she would like to eat.

_“Something light, please. You choose.”_

He finds a button-down shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. “These will have to do for now.” He hands them to her and she disappears into the bathroom.

“Okay, Doc, I’m out of my element here. I thought I could read her pretty well, but today I’ve got no clue what she’s thinking or feeling. She bounced back so fast physically and she seemed pretty stable the couple of days that we worked together. I never expected to see her lose it like she did three days ago.”

“Well, she seems clear-headed and calm right now. Let’s see what we can find out before jumping to any conclusions.”

They don’t have to wait long before Zoe emerges. They invite her to join them at the table. There is bread, soup and the ever-present communicator.

 _“My feet are cold.”_ , she types and looks at Dr. McCoy.

He gets up, finds a pair of socks and brings them to her. They watch her as she puts them on but say nothing.

_“You wanted to talk? Please say something. Scold me. Lecture me. Tell me what is to happen to me. I am ready to hear whatever you need to say.”_

Dr. Baker says, “Wait, Zoe, is that why you think I’m here? You told Dr. McCoy that you needed to speak to me.”

_“Well, yes, I do, before you take me to see the Captain. But Dr. McCoy also said that I had to talk to you. That there was something I had to understand. He was angry with me. I think he wanted to punish me.”_

“Zoe…”, Dr. McCoy begins, but Dr. Baker silences him with a lifted hand and eye contact.

“Zoe,”, he begins speaking slowly and softly, “Dr. McCoy tells me that you have been reading about human personality traits.”

She nods.

“That’s very smart of you. You have the advantage. We don’t have any materials that we can read to learn about Altan personality traits. We need you to educate us. But even within humans there is a wide range of degrees of those traits, do you understand?”

_“I think so. Go on.”_

“For example, you commented on Dr. McCoy’s compassion.”

She looks at Dr. McCoy in surprise.

“Zoe, I can see this is news to you. As doctors who share your care, we share our insights about you as well. It helps us get a better understanding of who you are and how to help you. How do you feel about this?”

_“I do not know…”_

“Would it be okay if we come back to it later, then?”

She nods.

“The point I wanted to make about Dr. McCoy’s compassion is that extreme emotion can cause extreme reactions. But I don’t have to tell you that, do I?” He pauses to let his point sink in. “I imagine, in the moment, it might have made Dr. McCoy feel better to punish you, but he resisted that urge. Today we are together at a time when our emotions are under control. We can examine our past actions and evaluate them and plan for future possibilities that might occur. Do you understand?”

She nods.

“Then why do you look so puzzled?”

_“You make it sound like I will be here in the future.”_

“Well, of course you will! Where else would you be?”, Dr. McCoy blurts out.

_“Your Captain did not make a deal? My life for his ship? Or another planet? Or…”_

“Of course not! Where did you get such an idea?”

“Doctor, calm down.”, Baker warns him.

She has been thinking about the end of the conversation she overheard on the bridge. _“Then what did the Captain mean… But they know I’m alive! They’ll never stop hunting me now.”_

Dr. Baker speaks again, “Zoe, listen to me. I don’t know what you heard the Captain say, but they have all been captured and locked up. They don’t know you had anything to do with it. That’s what the Captain wanted to show you.”

Shaking her head, _“But he saw me! He looked right at me!”_

“No, Zoe. No, he didn’t.” Dr. McCoy reassures her. “The communication was one-way.”

She sits there stunned, shaking her head. As Dr. McCoy reaches out towards her she leaps up from the table, runs for the bathroom and shuts the door.

Neither man speaks for a moment. Then Dr. Baker says, “Well, that explains why she ran.”

“Yeah, and why she tried to kill herself. But why would she think that? What gave her that idea?”

“Is it really that hard to imagine? What with her experiences and the language challenges she could easily have misinterpreted something. I think it’s time we talk to the Captain.”

Dr. McCoy knocks on the door. “Zoe, we’ll be back shortly. Go ahead and finish your lunch, okay?”

The door opens and she steps out. _“Wait, please.”_ , she types and returns to the table.

They join her.

She seems in shock or a trance as she begins to type.

_“You need to know that I did not run because I was afraid to die. By now I thought you would understand that much. I ran because I would not allow myself to be returned to my captors.”_

They are reading as she types, because she is not pausing.

_“How they might have found me, what deal they might have made, did not matter. I understand leadership. I understand responsibility. I did not blame your Captain for doing what he must to protect innocent people.”_

At reading this they both begin to protest, but she raises her hand for silence.

_“Please allow me to finish. Do the math, gentlemen. Mine is one life. I have no family, no friends and no one depends on me. I have repeatedly expressed the desire to die. It would have been the logical thing to do. Yes, some things have changed in the past week, things that would have made it harder…”_

Now she pauses but does not look up.

_“But one thing has **not** changed. I refuse to allow anyone else to suffer or die because of me. That cannot, that will not happen. I will still willingly trade my life to prevent that. Three days ago, my only hope was that it could be on my terms. That is why I sought you out, Doctor.”_

She stops and looks at him.

_“But I had no time to explain. When I saw your weapon, I thought I had found my answer. Then the useless thing wouldn’t fire. I decided the next best thing would be to hide and mask myself until I could make my way back to you to enlist your help. But you all made that very difficult. By the time I was able to reach you undetected I was tired and weak. I needed to get my strength back before surrendering myself to your Captain._

_“I trusted that you would at least help me find a way to die with dignity – preferably painlessly – that did not include letting those animals get their hands on me again. Then last night I thought I saw something in your eyes. Something that made me think I would need Dr. Baker to help convince you. Because I would not have been able to stand up to you alone had you refused. That is why I insisted on seeing him first._

_“If I seem to be in shock, it is because I am. I have spent the last three days preparing to die. Am I dreaming? Hallucinating? I do not know what to believe.”_

She pushes the communicator away and lowers her head onto her folded arms on the table. The men look at her and each other.

“ **Now** we go talk to the Captain.”, Bones says. “Zoe, I am not a bit surprised you feel so dazed. You’re still sleep-deprived. Have some lunch if you want to, but then go back to bed and get some more sleep.”

_“You are right. I am more tired than I realized. Dr. Baker, can we talk again when I wake up?”_

“Absolutely. I’m sure the Captain will want to talk to you as well.”

_“Would you please ask him to wait. I need to speak to you again before I see him.”_

“I’ll ask him.”

_“Thank you.”_

“I’ll be back soon. Sleep well.”, Dr. McCoy tells her and squeezes her shoulder on his way out.

15:00 –

“Captain, Doctors McCoy and Baker are requesting to see you.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant. Have them meet us in my cabin. Spock?”

“Yes, Captain.”

They leave the bridge, the Captain wondering how it can have been almost three days with no trace of Zoe. Bones has been avoiding him. He knows the man is tormented. What can this be about?

The four men arrive almost simultaneously. As soon as they are all inside Bones says, “You can take the ship off yellow alert. Zoe is back.”

“What! When? Where is she?”

“Right now, she’s in my cabin sleeping. She forced herself to stay awake the past few days so she could mask detection because somehow she got the idea that you had made a deal to trade her back to her captors!”, Bones yells.

“Well, how the hell did she get **that** idea?”, Jim yells back.

Baker jumps in. “Captain, if I may…”

“ **What?!** ”, the two men turn and yell at him.

“…suggest that we take a breath, take a seat and discuss this calmly. Zoe is back and she’s safe.”

“Captain, shall I authorize Lt. Uhura to take the ship off alert?”

“Yes, Mr. Spock. Do that. Thank you.”

While Spock is handling that Baker tries to explain to Captain Kirk what they learned from Zoe.

“You’re telling me she was willing to trade her life to save my ship but she didn’t trust me not to hand her back to the animals we rescued her from? What kind of animal does she think **I** am?”

“With all due respect, Sir, it looks different from her perspective. She understands authority and the burdens of leadership. What she doesn’t understand yet is humans.”

“Well, we need to start fixing that right away. I want to speak with her.”

“She anticipated that, Sir, but she asked me to please request that you wait until she has rested and spoken with me again.”

“With you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Very well. And when will that be?”

“I imagine that would be sometime this evening, Sir.”

“Dr. McCoy, is Zoe ready to be released from your medical supervision?”

“No, Sir, she is not.”

“Does she still require a bed in Sickbay?”

McCoy hesitates. As much as he wants to keep an eye on her, he has to be truthful. “No, Sir. As long as I continue to monitor her progress daily and see no change for the worse, she should be fine in her own quarters.”

“Excellent. Mr. Spock, if you would locate suitable accommodations and let the rest of us know, please.”

“Certainly, Captain.”

“Dr. McCoy, as Zoe is currently in your cabin, I will leave it to you to get her relocated and settled when she wakes up.”

“Yes, Sir. Will that be all, Sir?” The chill in his voice is not lost on a weary Kirk who just wants his friend back.

“That’s all for now. You’re dismissed. Baker, I will expect to hear from you later this evening.”

16:00 –

Dr. McCoy checks in at Sickbay to find nothing requiring his immediate attention. Spock has provided him with Zoe’s cabin number and access code. He is pleased to see that it is not far from his own cabin or Sickbay, but that would make sense, since this is the only part of the ship that she is currently familiar with.

He returns to his cabin but doesn’t see Zoe anywhere.

“Zoe!”

She sits up from between the bed and the wall.

“What were you doing down there?”

She shrugs and stays put.

He picks up the communicator and brings it to her. Then he sits on his bed with his back against the wall and looks over and down at her. “Do you want to talk?”

_“Yes. To Dr. Baker.”_

“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”

_“I suppose. You tell each other everything anyway.”_

He studies her face but there is no accusation, just statement of fact. Then he directs his gaze away from her to the wall. “Zoe, I just want you to know that I don’t share everything with Dr. Baker. Only the things that I think will help him understand you so that he can help you better. I think I can tell the difference between those things and the personal things we talk about, but to make sure you can always ask me to keep our conversations private if you wish.”

She nods, considering this. _“I am going to need clothes.”_

“Yes. Well, I can help you with that. The Captain has assigned you your own quarters. I am to take you there and help get you settled.”

She shakes her head. _“I do not want my own quarters.”_

“Look, the Captain asked me if you still needed to be in Sickbay and I had to admit that you didn't. It isn’t up to me. Your cabin is only a few doors away, so you should be fine to walk there in what you’re wearing. When we get there, I’ll show you how to select some clothes and I’ll page Dr. Baker and ask him to join us there to talk. Come on.” He offers her his hand to help her stand, still not looking her in the eyes.

She doesn’t know what to do about this chill – this distance between them – so she just obeys and follows him out.

When they arrive he shows her the door code and teaches her how to lock the door when she’s inside so that – even with her code – no one can enter without her permission. He shows her the location of alarm buttons that she can press for immediate help.

_“Is there a button to press if I need your help?”_

You’ve pretty much pressed them all already, Kitten, he thinks. But he says, “Sickbay is just a few doors down. You can always come there if you need me.”

He shows her how to select clothing in much the same way she selects food and drink from the replicator. When she has chosen and gone into her bathroom to change he calls Dr. Baker and asks him to join them.

17:00 –

When they are all together again Zoe begins by asking, _“Now what? What are your plans for me?”_

“Well, that depends on you, Zoe.”, Dr. Baker answers. “What do you want?”

_“How can I know that? For years I have only thought about dying. Thinking about living is harder.”_

Dr. Baker suggests, “We could take you back to Alta.”

_“NO!” One, I was told I could never return. Two, I was an outsider from birth. I am not entirely human, but I am not entirely Altan either. I never belonged there. If I must leave this ship I have no idea where I would go or what I would do.”_

She thinks. _“Your Captain decided to bring me aboard, have my body tended to and brought my captors to justice. It seems that I owe him a great deal. I must acknowledge that debt and begin to address it by seeking his will in this matter. I will leave it to him to determine my options.”_

At this Dr. McCoy speaks up. “Zoe, how can you be so matter-of-fact about this? This is your life we’re talking about!”

She had been avoiding eye contact with him, but now she turns and gives him a glare. _“My life? Right. Suddenly you care again? My life! I did not want it, remember? But you insisted! You tried to make me want it…”_

The tears begin to fall. _“Well guess what? I have no rights. Do I want to stay with you? Yes! Yes, I do. Especially you. You are the first person in the universe to be kind to me since…”_

Dr. McCoy reaches out to touch her but she holds up her hand.

_“But if your Captain decides that I must leave I must. So, is this what you want from me? Is this what you were looking for? Are you happy now?”_

She slides the communicator across the table, goes to her bed and curls up in the fetal position, trying not to sob.

Dr. McCoy gets up to go to her, but Dr. Baker grabs his arm and shakes his head silently. “Zoe, that’s very wise. We’ll take your request to the Captain and come back when we have those options.” Under his breath, “Come on, Doctor, leave the woman some dignity. She may have her life back only to be faced with something that’s harder to lose.”

Outside her door, Baker asks, “Want to tell me what ‘suddenly you care again’ means?”

“Look, Doc, don’t try to shrink me. I’m working on a grand total of a dozen hours sleep – max – the last three nights. After losing Zoe for days I don’t want to let her out of my sight for a second. So, what does our Captain do? He orders her moved to her own quarters – by me! Which she doesn’t want either, by the way. So, yeah, maybe I was a little cold. I was just trying to get it done, alright?”

They stare at each other for a minute, then Baker says, “Feel better?”

“Maybe. A little.”, Bones grumbles.

“Good. Now let me be the doctor for a change. Go get something to eat. Shower if it helps. Get some sleep. You need it almost as badly as she does. I’ll relay Zoe’s request to the Captain and recommend that he sleeps on it. Things should look a lot clearer in the morning to all of us.”

McCoy admits it’s good advice, so he thanks the younger man and they part ways.

18:00 –

Baker asks for a moment with the Captain and Spock.

“What, no Bones?”, Kirk asks.

“I advised him to get some rest and he agreed.”

“Good man.”, Kirk says, and Baker isn’t sure which one of them he’s referring to.

He relays the conversation with Zoe and her request for options – omitting the emotional outburst.

After processing this information Kirk says, “Tell her I would like to meet with her at 10:30 tomorrow morning. We’ll discuss her options then. Tell her that I will wait until then to apologize in person, but convey my regrets for the pain I caused.

“Yes, Sir. Would you allow Mr. Spock to accompany me?”

“Yes, of course.”

19:30 –

Dr. Baker returns to Zoe’s room with Mr. Spock. From the look of things she has composed herself and managed to eat a light supper. She seems surprised but not displeased to see them. She prepares them all tea before joining them at the table.

Dr. Baker begins. “Zoe, as I’m sure you expected, we’ve been sharing our recent conversations with the Captain, along with what you told us regarding the misunderstandings and miscommunications that took place. He asked me to tell you he regrets the pain he caused you and will personally apologize when he sees you. Also, he has taken your request to be provided with some options under advisement. He sent us here to ask if it would be agreeable to you to meet in the morning to discuss those options.”

_“I am wondering why Dr. McCoy did not accompany you.”_

“As we’re sure you’re aware, Dr. McCoy has developed a strong protective instinct towards you. It goes beyond his normal doctor/patient relationship. We feel it may be clouding his rational judgement.”

_“So, he would not be present at the meeting in the morning?”_

“No. Is that alright with you?”

_“It might make things easier.”_

“That was our thinking as well.”

_“How is he? Is he aware that you are here without him?”_

“We did not think it was necessary to inform him, no.”

_“And Mr. Spock is here because?”_

“Because in our culture it is unseemly for a single male to be alone in the room of a single female. It can lead to misunderstandings.”

_“But we have met alone together before.”_

“Yes, when I had a scheduled appointment to see you as your doctor. And not in either of our private quarters.”

_“So, if you had come to my quarters tonight to talk to me alone?”_

“That could have been misunderstood.”

_“By whom?”_

“By either of us or by anyone who noticed.”

_“Forgive me. I sense that you are trying to explain something important to me.”_

“Yes.”

_“You are not succeeding.”_

“Apparently not.”

_“Mr. Spock, will you help me?”_

“Of course.”

Zoe extends a hand and Mr. Spock wraps it in both of his. They make eye contact. “Oh.”, she mouths. “Oh?” Then, “Oh!” and finally “Oh, no!”

She directs her communicator back to Dr. Baker. _“Is **that** what Dr. McCoy thinks about when he looks at me? Is that what he thinks I am thinking when I look at him?”_

“Well, we can’t speak for Dr. McCoy. You would have to ask him. But, to be clear, you don’t think of Dr. McCoy in that way?”

_“I do not think of **any** male in that way. Is that all humans think about? No wonder you aren’t more evolved!”_

“Zoe, be fair.”, Dr. Baker says. “You knew Dr. McCoy was protective of you and you took advantage of those feelings.”

Her eyes narrow. _“Dr. Baker, be careful. If I am not misunderstanding right now it sounds to me as if you are making judgements that do not do justice to my character, that of Dr. McCoy, or even your own. Dr. McCoy has offered me his friendship. He has repeatedly told me that I can trust him. Until this moment it would never occur to me that my behavior would make him think something like that!”_

Turning to Mr. Spock she asks, _“Mr. Spock, do you think like that?”_

“No. But then my nature in that regard is Vulcan.”

 _“Well, I am still trying to determine what part of my nature is human and what part is Altan, but I can assure you both that I would never do anything to hurt Dr. McCoy. Besides, what you just showed me is disgusting and cruel. I do not know how you humans ever trust each other. I am tired, gentlemen. Before you go,_ ” (and they understand very clearly that they are being dismissed), _“is there anything else I should be made aware of before my meeting with your Captain tomorrow morning?”_

“Only that he has always had your best interests at heart. Once it was clear that you were no threat to his ship or his crew, that is.”, Dr. Baker says.

She nods.

“You do not need to be afraid of Captain Kirk or doubt his motives. Please try to keep that in mind tomorrow.”, Mr. Spock adds.

_“I will do my best.”_

They tell her what time to be ready in the morning and excuse themselves.


	2. Day 12 - Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe is offered a position on the Enterprise

Day 12 – Day

10:30 –

Zoe is dressed and waiting when her escort arrives. The door of the conference room slides open. The three men are sharing a friendly laugh about something as they stand at the window. Their casual smiles and ease of manner don’t change as they turn towards her.

The Captain speaks first. “Ah, Zoe, welcome. Right on time. Coffee?”

But she takes advantage of the moment to walk to the window. The view is incredible. So many stars. Such depth! She cranes her neck in every direction, her awe and delight unmistakable.

“Yes, it’s quite a view, isn’t it? We’ll have to find you more access to windows in the future.”

They take this as their cue to sit. Mr. Spock puts a cup of coffee in front of Zoe before taking a seat, managing to slip in a quiet ‘Your Majesty’, for her benefit.

Captain Kirk speaks first. “Zoe, I must apologize for frightening you the way I did. I didn’t think it through. I would like to ask you to please forgive me for the suffering I caused you.”

Taking the offered communicator she types, _“Yes, of course, Captain. Please forgive me for assuming the worst.”_

“it seems we have a great deal to learn about one another. Before we begin, let me lay one thing to rest. I have been informed that you feel indebted to us – to me. In front of these witnesses I officially release you from that debt. With your help Starfleet was able to put an end to a reign of terror and save countless lives. That is payment enough.”

She gives a small nod but says nothing.

He continues, “Let's get to it then, shall we? You asked for options. Option one – you can request to be taken anywhere you would like to go and those arrangements will be made as quickly as possible. Option two – if you want to leave this ship and don’t know where you would like to go, we can make suggestions. There are places where we feel you could be content and where we have connections to help get you settled.”

They are all observing her closely, but she is not revealing anything, simply continuing to listen.

“Then there is Option three – and all of us at this table are hoping you choose this option – you can stay on with us in the position of consultant. Zoe, you have been our guest for just under two weeks now and in spite of the challenges we’ve faced, the consensus among my most respected advisors is that you would be an asset to our team and our mission. With your skillsets and abilities you can make unique contributions to each of our departments. As a matter of fact, Dr. McCoy tells us you have already begun compiling a list of substances that would be valuable additions to his lab. so, what do you think? Are these enough options?”

_“Yes, Sir.”_

“Do you have any questions?”

_“Does option three come with any conditions?”_

“No conditions. Just one request.”

_“Yes?”_

“The next time you are struggling or confused would you try to go to Mr. Spock first? Between your shared Vulcan language and your telepathic empathy, he is the best equipped to help you in a crisis.”

_“I will if I know where to find him.”_

“We can figure out how to make that work. Does that mean you choose option three?”

_“Yes. I think I would like that. You have forgiven my debt, but I wish to repay your kindness.”_

They all express their delight.

“Wonderful!”, Captain Kirk says. “Then let’s get right down to business. I’m putting Dr. Baker and Mr. Spock in charge of your assimilation. The sooner we can get you comfortably interacting with more of my crew the better. They will help you achieve the goal of being welcomed and accepted. Do you understand?”

 _“Then perhaps Mr. Spock might agree to cease addressing me as ‘Your Majesty’?”_ She smiles at him.

Spock nods and the other two laugh.

“Fair point.”, Kirk says. “Your initial assignments will come directly from me.” He removes a folder from the shelf behind the table, opens it and spreads out a schematic. “These are blueprints of the Enterprise. I want you to learn it. Commit it to memory. By the end of the week I want you to be able to tell me the quickest way to get from one point to another on this ship. Do you think you can do that?”

She looks at it and nods.

“Good. Just so we understand each other, you are not cleared to walk around this ship alone. Right now, and until you are specifically informed otherwise, you only go where you are told and always with an escort. Understood?”

She nods.

“Do you have any questions so far?’

_“Is there a room like this where I can study? With windows and space to move around?”_

“I suppose you can use this one for now. There are other conference rooms I can use.”

Her eyes light up, then cloud over.

“What is it?”

She holds up a hand, rises from the table and walks over to the wall near the entrance. Door one, locked, hmm. Door two, bathroom. Oh, good. she walks in. And a shower. Even better. She exits smiling. There is a couch against the wall. She sits on it, leans back, closes her eyes, lies down with her head on the armrest for a moment, then sits back up again and nods her head. She stands and crosses the room between the window and table to the opposite wall. It is lined with shelves, cabinets and drawers. She considers examining their contents but decides there will be time for that later.

She sits back down at the table. _“This room will be perfect. Thank you. The only thing I do not see is something to write on and with. A journal perhaps, for my personal notes, and something larger and less permanent for processing, sketching, experimenting?”_

“Easily arranged.”, Kirk says. “Anything else?”

She looks at all of them hesitantly.

“What is it? Please tell us.”

_“Music. I miss music.”_

Apparently this was the last thing they expected to hear. No one says anything for a moment.

_“I like to listen while I work.”_

“Right.” “Okay.” “Of course.”

“I am sure someone on board must know how to access a music library.”, Kirk says. “We’ll see what we can do.”

_“Thank you all. For everything.”_

“You’re welcome. Oh, before I go, I’d like you to join us for dinner tonight in my private dining room. I think it’s time you meet the rest of my senior staff.”

She nods.

“Good. Someone will be along at 20:00 to escort you. I’ll see you then. Gentlemen.” He rises to leave. “Oh, and I’ll inform Dr. McCoy of your decision right away. Put him out of his misery.”

 

11:30 –

As the door closes behind the Captain, Dr. Baker says, “You look a little overwhelmed.”

_“A little. But I am adjusting.”_

“Good. That’s good. Because we need to address a few things with you right away if you’re not too tired.”

_“No. I do think I will sleep better tonight than last night, however.”_

“Understandable. Zoe, we have observed that you are very direct, so we are going to be very direct with you.”

_“Definition, please?”_

“Honest and to the point.”

_“This is not customary?”_

“In our culture, not always, no. Are we to infer that in your culture this is the norm?”

_“It has always been my nature to be so.”_

“Alright, good. Zoe, your physical form is barely distinguishable from a human’s. You do realize this?”

_“No. My hair, my eyes, my skin…”_

“Are all things that any human could reproduce the look of with a few cosmetics. I’m speaking more to your bone structure, proportions, facial features. Do all Altan women look like you?”

She lowers her head with the painful memory. _“No. None of them do. They all look like each other.”_

“Can you describe them for us?”, Baker asks, more gently.

 _“They are all taller than I am. Their skin and hair is all the same lighter color. Due to my human mother I was the one anomaly on the planet. I think my appearance embarrassed my father.”_ She turns to Mr. Spock. _“Do other Vulcans think less of you because you are half human?”_

“Some do, yes.”

_“Do humans think less of you because you are half Vulcan?”_

“Some do, but not as many. And few on this ship.”

Dr.Baker continues, “Zoe, I’m going to tell you something that you may find hard to believe, but it is the truth. Among humans, your physical form, exactly the way it is, is the ideal of female attractiveness.”

_“How can you say something like that? I have observed a wide variety of sizes, shapes and colors of humans on this ship alone. I have listened to nurses debate the relative attractiveness of humans I have yet to see. No two of you look remotely alike. How can you expect me to believe that with all this variety to choose from, the males of your species would limit themselves to one type? It makes no sense.”_

“It is not a question of limitation. It is a question of preference. You say you heard nurses debating ‘relative attractiveness’. Wherever differences abound, standards for judging beauty arise. While there is some variation in what specifically appeals to one person or another, certain sights are universally considered beautiful. In our culture another’s appearance is a major factor in the initiation of an intimate relationship. I’m guessing on Alta this is not so?”

_“No. How could it be when everyone looks the same?”_

“One day soon I would like to discuss with you the qualities that attract two people on Alta. But for now, we need you to accept that among humans it would be a rare male indeed who was not attracted to your beauty, or a female who did not acknowledge it.”

_“I am sorry, Dr. Baker. Mr. Spock, is this true?”_

“Zoe, you are, by all objective human standards and sensibilities, exquisitely beautiful.”

_“I am finding this impossible to accept.”_

“Maybe I should be more direct.”, Dr. Baker says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Zoe, you need to understand that every human male on this ship would love nothing more than to have you in his bed, and not one of them would throw you out for eating crackers.”

_“Mr. Spock, he is doing it again. What is he talking about, please?”_

“Sex. He is talking about having sex.”

_“Not friendship? Not love?”_

“Not in this context, no.”

_“Ewww! The more I learn about humans the less I like them! Now I understand why my mother said she would never take me to earth. Human men are completely priapic!”_

Spock almost grins. Baker almost takes offense.

_“Why do you feel it necessary to tell me this?”_

“Because, whether you believe it or not, you must accept the fact that your appearance will have an effect on the men on this ship. It may be an issue with the women as well, in terms of jealousy and suspicion. If you are aware of this, you will be better able to recognize and take steps to prevent misunderstandings.”

_“Such as not being alone with a male in his quarters?”_

“Exactly!”

_“I assure you, that will not be a problem.”_

“Wonderful!”

_“But if my appearance will be, as you believe, so universally distracting to the crew, why do I not just wear a veil?”_

“That would be one solution.”, Spock says.

“Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”, Baker asks them both.

_“I do not mind. I used to do it at home all the time.”_

“Really?”, Baker exclaims.

 _“Yes. So that no one had to see me and be reminded…”_ She pauses in a memory. _“I think that is one reason I fell in love with Rafe. It did not matter to him what I looked like.”_

The men exchange skeptical glances. Spock asks, “Was Rafe humanoid?”

_“No. Although he could appear to be. His was a shifter race. We were touch telepathic – like you and I, Mr. Spock, but different. He was of the woods. That is where we met. As a child I spent much time there. When I first saw him, I thought I was seeing an animal of some kind. But as we watched each other, he changed. He began to look like me, but not?_

_“I will never forget when he touched my hand. It was like nothing I had ever known. I was inside him. In his head. Seeing what he had been seeing. I pulled away and looked at him and saw his true form. I could tell he was as surprised as I by what had happened. After a second, we both reached out again, but this time we held eye contact. I was inside him again, but this time I could also feel him inside me, exploring me. There was so much to see and know. It made me so happy, being so completely seen and known that I started to laugh. Then he started to laugh. When we couldn’t laugh anymore we just lay there. I had never been so happy.”_

“You said you saw his true form. What was his true form?”, Dr. Baker asks.

_“It is difficult to describe. What was real about him was invisible. That is what never changed. His physical form became whatever he or I needed or wanted it to be. It did not seem to matter to him, although he seemed to find taking humanoid appearance to be uncomfortable and taxing. Having me with him meant he had less need to assume that form, because now I could help do the things he had done alone before._

_“I wish now I had asked him more questions. Who and what he was, where he was from. But at the time I did not care. That did not matter. Everything was so new. Every moment was so full. And I thought we would have forever…”_

“Zoe,” Dr. Baker says softly, “if this is difficult for you we can talk about something else.”

_“No, no. I want to tell you. I want you to know. He showed me my own worth. I made him happy. To see myself through his eyes… To be accepted and loved for who I was, just the way I was… To bring someone joy simply by existing… It was bliss._

_“And we made sense. The way we connected, became more together than we could be apart. And then there was always the thrill, the excitement, the satisfaction when we made a mutual discovery or came to a conclusion together that was transcendent!”_

Dr. Baker whispers to Spock, “That sounds like a mental orgasm.” To which Mr. Spock replies, “Indeed.”

_“Mr. Spock, you may have deduced that it was Rafe who taught me how to resist your mind meld and other similar techniques. Once he had claimed my mind it was to be his alone for as long as he lived.”_

“Zoe, speaking of the mind meld, Mr. Spock said that he saw you with children. Two boys. But he saw no memories of physical intimacy or pregnancy or childbirth. We find that very odd. Are you willing to talk about that?”

She sighs. _“I suppose some background would be helpful. Altan women pass from childhood to adulthood in what you would consider their 20 th year. When the physical signs begin to appear they are sent away for five years to be taught what it means to be a woman in Altan society. They return mature women, ready to mate. My signs began to appear when I was 14. Another reason for the disguise. I did not want to be sent away. I was not ready. Thankfully my mother agreed._

_“Then I met Rafe and being with him became all that mattered. I did not want children. Rafe and I were more than enough. Our physiologies were not compatible for physical coupling. He said that it would be unpleasant for me and unlikely to result in conception. Should I conceive, my body would not be a suitable host for a child of his. Even if the baby survived I most certainly would not. But he began to desire progeny. He was a man of science. I allowed him to harvest my eggs from time to time. He finally succeeded in fertilization and that embryo became twins._

_“I may not have wanted children initially, but the birth of my boys awakened something primal in me, something fierce. I had not known I could care so deeply or love so strongly…”_

Unwelcome tears begin to fall. _“Forgive me. Could we stop for a while?”_

“Of course. It is almost lunchtime. Would you like to go back to your room?”, Dr. Baker asks.

She seems to compose herself. _“Would it be alright if I just stayed here?”_

“Of course. We will be back later.”

She rises with them, stands and watches as they leave, then turns to the window. But the grief overcomes her and she is finding it hard to breathe. She goes to the couch, drops her head in her hands and begins to weep. In a moment she is curled up in a ball, her body wracked with deep, wrenching sobs.

 

Dr. Baker and Mr. Spock have slipped into an adjacent room where a video monitoring system has been set up to record their sessions. They want to make sure Zoe is alright. To their dismay they see that she is not. Their other surprise is finding the Captain there.

“Gentlemen. I thought I’d observe for a while and then couldn’t tear myself away. It’s been mesmerizing. Am I to understand that, despite her experiences, when it comes to physical sexual relations Zoe is a virgin?”

Spock answers, “It would seem so.”

“She really is every man’s fantasy.”

“Et tu, Captain?”

“Lighten up, Spock. He may have said it, but I’m feeling it too. And she still has no clue what men see when they look at her.”, Baker says.

“Well, right now I see a hurting woman in need of comfort,” Kirk says, “and I only know of one person on this ship who might be able to provide it. Get Dr. McCoy down here.”

 

12:30 –  
  
Dr. McCoy is paged in Sickbay and joins them moments later.

“Doctor, it is our opinion that Zoe needs you.”, the Captain tells him.

They turn on the monitor. He is shocked and dismayed to see the state she is in.

“What the hell happened? How long has she been this way?”

“Not long.”, Dr. Baker assures him. “And if anyone can comfort her, you can. We’ve all seen it.”

“I’ll go right in.”

“Um, there are some things you need to know…”, Baker begins.

“They can wait.”

Baker looks at the Captain who shrugs and Spock who nods. “Okay, but just so you know, she may believe you think she has been misleading you.”

“You two were supposed to be clearing up misunderstandings, not creating new ones! We’ll talk about this later.”

To Kirk, “Captain, may I go in now?”

“Yes. Go.”  
  


As the door slides open and he says her name, she sits up and turns her back to him, trying to stop the tears. He is beside her in a second, stroking her arm. “I thought you might need me.”

She pulls away from his touch, turns around and searches his face.

He puts his hand on hers. “Hey, what is it?”

She searches frantically for the communicator and when she finds it she types, _“I thought I hurt you. I thought you did not care about me anymore. They said you were nice to me because you wanted, because you thought I wanted…”_ She shakes her head.

“No, Zoe, that’s all wrong. All of it. I’m sorry they said that. I’m sorry you thought that. We are friends, remember? Can you let that go and come here and tell me what upset you?”

She meets his eyes and sees the truth there. _“They were asking about my boys.”_ And with that the dam breaks again. This time when he opens up his arms to her she crawls into his lap and sobs into his chest. He holds her and rocks her until she has cried herself out.

When he realizes that she has stopped crying he slips her onto the couch. “Wait here.” He returns with some tissues and a glass of water. She makes short work of them both. Then he sits beside her and stretches out on the couch with his head on the armrest and his left arm underneath her. She has wedged herself between his body and the backrest with her head on his left shoulder.

 _“I wish I could just crawl inside you and disappear.”,_ she types.

“Darlin’, if you could, I’d let you.”, he murmurs.

_“Have you ever lost anyone you love?”_

“Yes. I think most people have.”

_“What do you do? When it hits you?”_

“Feel it. Honor it. Grieve. Find a friend if you need to.” He gives her a squeeze. “Be alone if you need to. It’s different for everybody. And it can be different for you every time.”

_“You have said we are friends. What does that mean to a human?”_

He thinks for a minute. “I’ve never had to define it before. I guess it means two people like each other, enjoy spending time together. Maybe they have interests in common. They help each other. They have fun together.” He thinks how nice it would be to see her enjoy herself. See her relaxed and smiling. “Is it different for Altans?”

_“Can humans stop being friends?”_

“Sometimes.”

_“Then, yes. It is different. Altans are friendly, but we have few friends. Friendship for us is a covenant. An offer of friendship is an invitation to become part of another – to share fully in who they are and what they have. In a sense it makes them family. Not extended family, because each individual must make that offer or not, but family to each other.”_

“That is quite a commitment.”

_“Do humans find it difficult to make and keep binding personal commitments?”_

He chuckles. “I’d say it’s the keeping part that gives us the most trouble.”

_“So, when you say we are friends you are using the human context?”_

He meets her eyes and smiles. “Well, I am only human.”

She pushes up to a sitting position so that she can look at him again and types, _“Dr. Leonard McCoy, I offer you my friendship in the Altan context. I would be very honored if you would accept.”_

“Zoe, what exactly am I accepting here? I don’t understand enough about the concept to know what you’re offering.”

_“I just told you. I am asking you to accept a gift. It is not reciprocal unless you decide to make it so. I am simply declaring to you that I find you worthy of my eternal friendship. Which, if you accept, puts our relationship on a different level than anyone else’s.”_

“And what happens if one of us gets married?”

_“What is it with you humans and marriage? From what I have heard, your marriages often do not last as long as your friendships. Is this about sex? From what I have been told, there is no human requirement or expectation of either friendship or marriage before having sex. Is this about love? If you fall in love, fine, get married.”_

She has his mind spinning with that information. “What about you?”

_“What about me?”_

“What if you get married?”

_“Why would I want to do that, and why are you asking me that?’_

“You could fall in love.”

_“I have already done that and I have no expectation of it happening again.”_

He can see she is working hard to understand but is becoming increasingly frustrated.

_“What does any of this have to do with friendship? Either or both parties in a covenant friendship can love, have sex with or marry anyone else without impacting the friendship.”_

“Even with each other?”

_“Please help me. What am I missing here?”_

He’s chuckling again. “Oh, not much. Only the reason humans would make terrible Altan friends.”

_“May I try this one more time?”_

“Go for it, darlin’.”

_“I do not know what your problem with this is, but here is what I do know. You have said we are friends. So, either you told the truth or you lied. I do not believe you are a liar. Therefore I believe that, according to your weak, human definition, you are my friend. I accept the gift of your friendship on your terms. I am grateful for it. In return, and not lightly, I offer you my friendship according to the Altan definition. It is a free gift, Leonard McCoy. It would be very rude to refuse.”_

“Well, if you put it that way. Zoe Grace,” he says, sitting up taller so that he can bow from the waist, “I very humbly accept your gracious offer.”

 _“Ha!”,_ she mouths as she gives him a hug, then types, _“Let them try to keep me out of your room now!”_

“What? Who?”

 _“Ask Dr. Baker and Mr. Spock.”,_ she types settling back down into his arms.

“Why Zoe Grace!”, he says, feigning shock. “You are capable of having an agenda.” And I do plan to ask them a few things, he thinks. Don’t you doubt it.

_“Suddenly I have an appetite. Can you stay and have lunch with me?”_

“I think I’d like that. I just have to take care of one thing first and then I’ll be back. Why don’t you go ahead and choose something for us, okay?”

She smiles and nods.  
  


  
And, just as he expects, as he re-enters the room next door the three men step quickly away from the monitor. He reaches over and switches it off.

“Alright, ‘friends’, show’s over.”, he says pointedly. “Go get your own lunches and leave us to ours. And if I find out you’ve been back spying there’ll be hell to pay, got me? Spock, Baker, I’m coming to find you – earliest. You’ve got some explaining to do.”

They both murmur their assent as they leave.

McCoy turns back from watching them go to see Kirk regarding him silently.

“Well?”, he asks.

“That was quite an education.”, Kirk says gently.

“Hmm, what?” It takes him a moment to process his friend’s comment. He had been steeling himself for one of Jim’s merciless teasings. “Yeah, she really opened up.”

“She did.”, Jim agrees. “But I was referring to you. In all the years I’ve known you I’ve never seen that side of you.”

Oh no, here it comes. And he’s taking his time with the setup. Well, do your worst, he thinks. “And what side would that be, Jim?”

“The side that can have an unguarded, thoughtful conversation and be totally relaxed while doing it.”, Jim says sincerely. He squeezes his friend on the shoulder as he walks out. “Carry on.”  


Well, one more wonder in a string of wonders, Bones thinks to himself, unaware that it won't even be the last this day. He is still mulling over the exchange as he re-enters the conference room. After lunch Dr. McCoy takes Zoe back to Sickbay for a checkup, then to her room to rest before supper. He tells her it would be his honor to escort her to dinner that evening and she agrees.  
  


15:00 –

Dr. McCoy has requested the presence of Dr. Baker and Mr. Spock to Sickbay. When they arrive he informs his staff that they will be in his office and are not to be interrupted for anything less than an emergency.

He looks at the two of them. Now that they are here he doesn’t know where to start. “Before I went in to comfort Zoe, you said there were some things I should know.”

Dr. Baker opens his mouth to speak.

“Hold on. We’ll get to those. The first thing I want to know is what the hell you told my patient to give her the idea that I want to get in her pants and why the hell you would suggest she was encouraging me? I’m her doctor, for god’s sake, and the CMO of this ship! I’m not Jim Kirk!”

“Spock, have you ever known me to behave in an unprofessional manner towards a patient?”

“No, Doctor, I have not.”

“Thank you. And Baker, if you can’t tell the difference between concern or compassion and lust then maybe you don’t belong on this ship!”

He takes a breath. “So, I repeat. If it isn’t too much to ask, may I know what led to this unfortunate conclusion?”

“Yesterday evening I relayed Zoe’s request to the Captain as I had told you I would. He sent me back with a response and I requested that Mr. Spock accompany me.”

Seeing the look on his face, Baker quickly continues, “Look you agreed you needed food and sleep.” And distance, he thinks.

“She did immediately notice your absence, Doctor, and inquired about your welfare.”, Spock adds.

“Which gave me the opening I was looking for to explain to her why Mr. Spock and I were there together – why it is not a good idea for a single man to visit a single woman in her room and vice versa. It can lead to misunderstandings.”

“That must be what she meant by you two wanting to keep her out of my room.”

“Right.”, Baker confirms. “She wanted to know exactly what we meant by 'misunderstandings'. Unfortunately, I wasn’t doing a very good job explaining…”

Dr. McCoy mutters, “Of course you weren’t.”

“…so, she asked Mr. Spock for help. He’ll have to tell you what he showed her.”

“Spock?”

“I simply showed her that the primary reason for a single human male and a single human female to be alone in a room with a bed was for the purpose of having sex. That if this is not the goal of the human female to begin with, the human male could be emboldened by having her alone to attempt to seduce or coerce her. That conversely, it is not unheard of for the human female to maneuver the human male into being alone for the purpose of convincing him to do something for her with the implied or explicit promise of sex at that time or in the future. Finally, that even if none of these things is actually the case, those could be the conclusions that a casual observer could draw.”

“And what was her reaction to that revelation?”, McCoy asks wearily.

“If memory serves, I believe her comment was ‘If that is all humans think about it is no wonder they are not more evolved.”

Dr. McCoy snorts.

“Oh, yes, and she said she did not know how humans were ever able to trust one another. But her biggest concern was for you, Dr. McCoy. Not knowing what you thought, and wondering if her behavior had hurt you, something she made clear she would not find acceptable.”

“God bless her. I guess that pretty much covers what Zoe wanted me to ask you. What was it you two thought I needed to know?”

“She is ashamed of her physical appearance.”, Spock says.

“What! Why?”

“To hear her tell it,” Baker says, “on Alta she was both the black sheep of the family and the runt of the litter.”

“You know, son, you have got to find some middle ground. You’re either spouting PhD language or idioms – both equally difficult even for someone who speaks your language – let alone someone like Zoe.”

“Apparently Altans display little to no distinguishable variation in size, shape, complexion or hair color. Zoe is noticeably shorter and darker than all of her countrymen.”, Spock provides.

“Now see,” McCoy says to Baker, “that wasn’t so hard, was it? And he’s a Vulcan!”

“Zoe can’t accept the fact that any man on this ship would find her attractive. Let alone all of them.” Baker continues.

“Excuse me? ‘All of them’?”

“Dr. Baker found it necessary to invoke another idiom, this one involving eating crackers in bed, that I was forced to clear up for her.”

“I can’t imagine the reaction that got.”, McCoy says sarcastically.

“I can tell you that it served to reinforce the already negative reaction she has to the idea of human sex in the absence of love. Which I recall she deemed ‘disgusting and cruel’.”

“Well, gentlemen, I don’t know what your goal was with this little exercise, but I assure you it did very little to improve Zoe’s impression of the people she will be living and working with on this ship.”

“Look,” Baker continues, “I stand by what I said. Zoe needs to know what human men and women are going to be thinking when they see her, so she is in a better position to head off any trouble.”

“Unless she decides to go with the veil.”, Spock interjects.

“What? No, never mind." He shakes his head. "I don’t even want to know. Unless you’ve left out anything vital, I’ve heard quite enough for one day. You’re both free to go. I have work to do.”

“Sir.” “Doctor.”  
  


16:00 –

When Spock gets back to the bridge, Kirk asks him to walk with him to Lt. Uhura’s station. “Everything going smoothly, Lieutenant?”, he asks.

“Yes, Captain.”

“Good. Because I have something to ask. My senior officers – including yourself, of course – will be joining me tonight for dinner to officially welcome the newest member of our crew, Zoe Grace of Alta.”

She looks at both men but says nothing, so he continues.

“I would consider it a personal favor if you would take – what shall we call her? Miss Grace? Zoe? – under your wing regarding female matters. Starting tonight by assisting her in selecting an appropriate outfit and anything else she may need help with. Would you be willing to do that?”

Men!, she thinks to herself. Before she speaks she glares at Spock.

“I would consider it a great personal favor as well, Nyota.”

“Well, of course, then. My pleasure.”, wondering if they notice the sarcasm in her voice. “How much time do you think we’ll need, Captain?”

“The dinner is at 20:00. If you arrive at 18:00 that should give you ample time.”

“And what is the dress code for tonight, Sir?”                                                                                        

“Well, she is royalty, and we haven’t had occasion to go all out for a while…”

“Sir,” Spock interjects softly, “she specifically requested that she not be treated as royalty.”

“Oh, right, Spock. Thank you. Let’s just say semi-formal then, shall we? And may I suggest you begin by accessing the wardrobe storage where we keep the gifts from foreign dignitaries? About time it got some use.”

“Yes, Captain.”

 


	3. Day 12 - Evening

Day 12 – Evening

18:00 –

Armed with all the information she needs, Nyota buzzes at Zoe’s door. She does a double take when she sees the woman standing before her. Do I have the right room?, she thinks. “Zoe?”

The woman nods and steps aside to allow her to come in.

As she is glancing around, Zoe has typed, _“And you are Nyota, Mr. Spock’s love.”_

“How do you know that?”, Nyota whispers.

_“The mind meld. You were in his head.”_

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean… I mean, he’s never said it.”

Zoe shakes her head and smiles. _“Males!”_ , she types.

Nyota laughs.

Zoe studies her for a moment then motions for her to sit where she can read as Zoe types.

 _“I want to tell you something that I will tell no one else. But I sense that you need to hear it. Every thought in Mr. Spock’s mind…”_ She pauses, searching for the word. _“There is no word to convey it in English.”_

“What about in Vulcan?”, Nyota offers.

_“You speak Vulcan?”_

“Some. Spock is teaching me.”

_“Hmm. Mesuvulaya? Colored? Affected? Influenced by his feelings for you. If that is not love, what is?”_

Nyota throws her arms around Zoe in a spontaneous hug. “Thank you!” Then she sits back and says, “I can’t believe I’m looking at the same person I saw in Sickbay almost two weeks ago! Did Dr. McCoy tell you he threw me out for trying to sneak a peek at you?”

_“No. But I knew.”_

“How?”

_“I know a secret about you, I suppose it is fair that you should know one about me. Unlike humans, I am rarely fully unconscious. Some part of me remains aware – although not always in the moment. It happens more in stressful situations. Perhaps a protective mechanism of some sort?”_

“Wow! I would love to talk to you all night, but we have a dinner to get ready for. You do know that’s why I’m here, right?”

_“I was sent a message earlier to expect someone to come and help me select a garment, yes.”_

“Well, we have permission to look through, not just the ship’s stores, but the diplomatic gifts as well. I say we start there.”

Zoe patiently waits while Nyota pulls up each hologram, quickly dismissing most – wrong style, wrong color, etc. She occasionally lingers over one that catches her fancy. And then they’re done.

“Didn’t you see anything?”, Nyota asks.

Zoe nods and takes the tablet. She scans back almost to the beginning. _“This one”, she types. “It reminds me of something my mother wore.”_

Well, that answers that question, Nyota thinks. But she simply says, “Then why didn’t you stop me?”

_“I wanted to see what you like. I think the red one suits you.”_

”Zoe, these aren’t for me. I have my own clothes to wear.”

Zoe shakes her head no and types, _“Tonight they are for both of us. If I must wear one, then so must you. Besides, I wager it has been a while since you have been seen in something new.”_

“You’re not wrong.”, Nyota says thoughtfully. “But I really shouldn’t.”

_“I will say I insisted.”_

“Alright then.” She smiles. ”In that case we’re going to need more time.”

 _“Oh! Dr. McCoy will be arriving at 20:00 to escort me.”,_ Zoe types.

“Don’t worry. I’ll let the Captain know we’re going to be a little late and ask him to let Dr. McCoy know that I am going to be your escort.”

Seeing the look on Zoe’s face she asks, “What’s wrong?”

_“Dr. McCoy is not very happy with your Captain right now.”_

“That’s not news. They’re always like that. I’m sure it’s nothing. And if it is, they’ll get over it. They always do. They’re friends.”

_“I do not understand.”_

“Well, don’t let it ruin your evening, okay? If it makes you feel better, I’ll ask Spock to explain it to him.”

Zoe nods thoughtfully.

“Okay. Problem solved! I’m going to get my makeup. I’ll be right back."

Ten minutes later Nyota is back and the requested items have been delivered. Zoe is able too get into hers without assistance. Nyota needs a little help as her dress fits her like it has been sprayed on. They both watch with delight as it shimmers with every slight movement.

“It feels like butter!”, Nyota exclaims. Seeing Zoe’s confusion she clarifies, “Soft and creamy.”

Zoe watches while Nyota arranges her hair and applies her makeup. When she is satisfied she turns to Zoe and says, “Your turn.”

Zoe shakes her head no.

Nyota studies her for a moment. What would she do, really? A little eyeliner maybe, but with those lashes she doesn’t even need it. Her complexion is such an unusual color anything else would be obvious. “Lip gloss then?”, she offers and demonstrates.

Zoe takes it and tentatively tries it. She smacks her lips. It feels nice. She smiles.

“Great! Now what do you want to do about your hair?”

Zoe picks up the piece of silk that came with her outfit and types, _“I could use your help.”_

“Okay, what do I do?”

_“Just use your fingers to twist or braid my hair back and up. When it looks right, say ‘fator’.”_

“’Fator’? Stay?”

Zoe nods.

Right, Nyota thinks. This I’ve got to see. She puts a chair in front of the mirror and Zoe sits down. Then she puts her fingers in Zoe’s hair on either side and draws it back with her fingers. “OMG, Zoe! What is your hair made of? I’ve never felt anything like this!” As she continues to run her fingers through it she notices that Zoe has closed her eyes. She is calm and there is a soft smile on her face, but there are a couple of tears in the corners of her eyes.

Nyota kneels down in front of her. “Zoe? Are you okay?”

Zoe opens her eyes and smiles wider. She nods and types, _“I had forgotten how good this feels. My mother used to do it for me, but that was so long ago.”_

“Well honey, I will gladly do it for you anytime! But right now, I’d better finish.” She curls one side into a simple twist, holds it where she wants it and says ‘fator’. It’s like watching a vine grow in time-lapse photography. A tendril sneaks out and holds the twist in place.

“Um, Zoe? What if I’m not completely happy and I want to redo it?”

“Just say ‘sadalau’”, Zoe types.

“Got it. ‘Sadalau.” She continues to roll Zoe’s hair back, first from one side then the other, then French braids it down her back. A final ‘fator’ and the hair smooths and finishes itself. “All done.”

Now Zoe takes the shawl and spreads it across her forehead, just above her eyebrows. She nods at Nyota, who says “’Fator’?”

Zoe nods and two tendrils of hair hold the shawl in place on each side. She brings one side down from the side of her face across the bridge of her nose and then back up above the opposite ear. This time Nyota is ready when she nods. The other side wraps behind her head to be held in place above the other ear. Now she is ready. “ _Nyota, this is very important.”,_ she types.

“Okay.”

_“If I am requested to remove my veil, would you please do it for me? And help me make sure that none of the men touch my hair?”_

”Okay, if it’s that important to you.” And she can tell by the look in Zoe’s eyes that it definitely is.

  
20:00 –

The men are already gathered in Captain Kirk’s private dining room. Along with the Captain, Mr. Spock, and Doctors Baker and McCoy are the three officers who have yet to officially meet Zoe – Mr. Scott, Mr. Sulu, and Mr. Chekov. The Captain invites them to help themselves to a drink while they wait for the ladies who have informed him that they will be delayed.

“Delayed?”, McCoy asks. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, yes.” Kirk smiles. “You know women and their preparations.”

Mr. Spock frowns. Nyota is not one of those women. She has never allowed ‘preparations’ to make her late before.

McCoy speaks up, “Actually, Captain, before…”

“Call me, Jim, Bones. Tonight, we dine as friends.” If not at first, I certainly hope by the end of the evening, he thinks to himself.

“Before the ladies get here,” Bones continues, “there are some things that it would help those of you who haven’t met Zoe yet to know. Be aware, Zoe feels very strongly about her personal space. You know her history, that shouldn’t surprise you. Before touching her, ask or tell her what your intentions are. ‘May I shake your hand?’, for example. Or, if you offer yours, give her plenty of time to realize what you’re doing and decide how to respond. If you have any questions during the evening, take Dr. Baker or me aside and ask.”

“Her eyes?”, Jim prompts.

“Oh, right. Eye contact is important to her. It’s how she reads people. But her eyes are going to startle you, so be prepared.”

“Vat do you mean?”, Chekov asks.

Jim and Kirk exchange a smile before Jim says, “You’ll just have to see for yourself.”

“Oh, but one more thing,” McCoy adds, “if you do find yourself staring at her – and you will, I assure you – the last thing you want to do is look away when she catches you, as if you were doing something wrong. Just meet her gaze and smile.”

“This is gettin’ more mysterious by the minute.”, Scotty says.

“Yeah, as if human women weren’t mysterious enough.”, adds Mr. Sulu.

“Baker, did you want to add anything?”

“Yes, actually. You will find Zoe to be simple and direct, gentlemen. And by simple I do not mean stupid. Quite the opposite. But she says what she means. If you don’t want the answer, don’t ask the question, because you will get the truth as she knows it without subtext or pretense. Double-entendre and sarcasm are lost on her.”

“We could have some fun teachin’ her.”, Scotty jests.

Bones looks like he’s struggling to control his temper.

Jim notices and speaks quickly. “Scotty, gentlemen, and I employ that word purposely, the woman you are about to meet may be half human, but – thanks to her mother, the only human she has ever known besides us – she currently holds a low opinion of our race in general and our gender in particular. I believe the term she used was ‘priapic’.” Then seeing the confused look on Chekov’s face he adds, “Look it up later.”

“She said that!”, Bones exclaimed.

“She told us her mother said that when explaining why she would never be allowed to visit earth.”

“She must be wondering what the hell she did to land her on a ship full of alpha human males.”

“Just the point I was getting at, Bones.”, Jim continues. “Those of us in this room are privileged to have the opportunity to change that opinion for the better. And the even more rare opportunity – for those who dare to take it – to find out how we are perceived by someone with a different perspective than ours. That part is optional. What is not optional is the example you set as the senior officers on this ship. Until Zoe learns how to understand and interpret human behavior I will expect you all to run interference for her. Protect her as if she were your little sister. Understood?”

A chorus of agreement.

“Thank you. You will all soon see that Zoe’s contributions to this ship and our mission are such that it is in all our best interest to see that she is happy and comfortable here. So, Scotty, double-entendres and sarcasm on the back burner for now?”, Jim grins.

“Aye, Sir.”, Scotty grins back.

And just in time, as the door buzzes to announce the ladies have arrived.

  
Nyota has taken Zoe’s arm for the walk from her room to the Captain’s dining room. As they pass a few crew members who nod at her in recognition she wonders if Zoe realizes what a good idea the veil was. She could be just about anybody under there. “You know, I think you and I are going to be good friends.”, she says.

Zoe stops short and looks at her. Then she begins to type as they resume walking.

_“How can you possibly know that? We have only just met each other.”_

”Hey, it’s not like I’m asking you to marry me.”, Nyota says. “What’s the big deal?”

_“Sorry. Right. I forgot.”_

“Forgot what?”

_“The difference between a human friend and an Altan friend.”_

“Care to enlighten me?”

_“We don’t have enough time right now, but if I understand correctly, human friendships can be based on many criteria and have many levels and durations. Is this so?”_

“I never really thought about it, but I guess so. Yes.”

_“Well, Altan friendship is an unbreakable bond with one level that meets specific criteria. It is not entered into hastily.”_

“That does sound like marriage.”, Nyota remarks, but Zoe has no time to address that comment because they have arrived and Nyota has rung the bell.

  
20:15 –

The Captain is standing just inside the door to greet them as it opens. “Ladies, you look exquisite.”, he says. “Come in, come in.”

The men are taking in the picture in front of them. Zoe is dressed in a silk saree skirt in deep purple hues with subtle gold accents and a lavender silk crop top with three quarter inch sleeves that exposes the barest inch of creamy dark midriff skin. She is wearing flat, ornately embroidered slippers. The matching translucent silk opalescent veil completely covers her hair and face, leaving only her eyes exposed, which are currently cast down. Nyota’s red gown is a one shoulder that sweeps down and across her front and leaves half of her back exposed. It has a slit to the thigh on the opposite side. She is standing in such a way as to take full advantage of these features.

“Nyota,” Jim says, “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of seeing you in that dress before.”

“You haven’t.”

Zoe quickly types, _“I chose it for her and insisted that she wear it.”_

“Well then, Zoe, you have all of our gratitude.” And he gestures to the rest of the men, which has the effect of breaking them out of their collective trance.

Spock moves to Nyota’s side.

“And Zoe, as for you, your days of wearing veils and disguises are over.”, Jim says. Bones and Zoe both look at him with surprise. “May I help you remove it?”

As he says that Zoe takes a step back and to her left as Nyota smoothly steps forward and smiles sweetly. “Captain, as we were dressing, Zoe made me promise that if you wished her veil removed, I would be the one to help her.”

“Of course.”, Jim replies, politely stepping back.

Nyota turns to face Zoe and whispers ‘sadalau’, and one half of the veil falls gently into her hands. She moves behind and around Zoe to gather the rest. Once she is in front of her again she whispers ‘sadalau’ and the remainder of the veil releases itself. Nyota hands it to Zoe who deftly throws one end over her shoulder to hang down behind her. She brings the other end across her front diagonally then behind her and underneath her bottom and up again to the front on the other side before tucking that end into her waistband.

As she has been doing this, Nyota has been behind her gathering the now loose tendrils and braiding them together. When she is pleased with how it looks she whispers ‘fator’ and steps away.

“Much better.”, Jim says. The rest of the men are so captivated by their first glimpse of Zoe’s true beauty that they do not even question what they have just witnessed.

All except Spock, that is. He pulls Nyota aside and whispers, “Did I hear you tell her veil to let go?”

She looks at him and nods with a giggle.

“And you ordered her hair to stay in place?”

“Yes! In Vulcan. Isn’t it fun?”

“We shall speak of this later.”

The Captain has begun making introductions to the crew members Zoe has not yet met. Nyota walks back over to join her again, loving the way her dress feels when she moves and not minding a bit the looks she is getting either.

Spock joins Baker and McCoy. They watch the four men divide their attention between the loveliness that is the two ladies.

“Well, all I can say is that was damn bloody brilliant!”, Baker whispers.

“To what are you referring, Dr. Baker?”, asks Spock, who seems unable to tear his gaze from Nyota.

“That!”, he responds, gesturing to the women. “If you’re nervous about being the center of attention, what better thing to do than bring along a distraction. That girl’s either not as naïve as we think or she’s got amazing instincts!”

“Looks like it’s our turn.”, Bones says, and the three walk over to say their helloes.

Zoe smiles and gives a little bow to Spock who bows back before joining Nyota once more. She extends her hand to Dr. Baker who grazes her knuckles with his lips and quickly releases it. But when Dr. McCoy approaches and reaches for her hand she surprises them all by meeting his gaze and opening her arms wide for a full body embrace. He smiles and obliges. Keeping one arm around his waist and her eyes on his, she turns out a bit and sweeps the other arm down from her shoulder to her side with a questioning expression.

“Oh, yes. I like it very much!”, he says and laughs.

He is rewarded with a smile and a squeeze.

They reluctantly break eye contact to find the others staring at them, struck dumb.

 _“What?”,_ Zoe types. _“He is my friend.”,_ and she holds her communicator up for all to see.

“And if you want to know exactly what that means you can ask me later.”, Dr. McCoy adds.

“Let’s eat.”, says Jim.

 

When dinner has ended Kirk says, “Thank you all for coming to officially welcome our newest crew member, but it has been a long day for Zoe and since she is still regaining her physical strength it is important that she gets her rest, correct, Dr. McCoy?

“Yes, Sir.”

“Then if you would be so kind as to return her to her cabin. You are all dismissed. See you tomorrow.”

  
They walk back, her arm around his waist, his around her shoulder. He tells himself it’s just because she’s tired, she needs the extra support. He’s enjoying the way they seem to fit together, so he doesn’t ask. He wonders why she doesn’t try to get him to talk. Has she forgotten the communicator? But when they arrive at her door she leans against it and hands him the communicator.

He reads _, “You cut my hair.”_

He hands it back and meets her gaze. “Yes. Are you angry with me?”

She studies him before giving him a slight smile and typing, _“No. You are a man of science. It is understandable. I am happy you did not feel the need to apologize. It suggests there was no other motive.”_

Oh, let him get out of here now before she asks him anything else, he silently prays.

_“Besides there was no way for you to know it will not grow back.”_

“It won’t?” Thank heavens they decided not to cut it when she first arrived, he thinks.

 _“I do not believe so. But then, I do not know that for sure, either, since it has never happened before. Well, goodnight.”_ She gives him a quick hug and steps inside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, readers?  
> Comments?


	4. Day 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe makes Dr. McCoy an offer he can't refuse.

Day 13

08:00 –

Zoe is waiting when her escort arrives to take her to her new “office”. On the table are some book of various sizes. She discovers that they are all blank. The smaller ones are lined, the larger ones are not. She begins to open them to find that they lay flat. How lovely. There is also a selection of writing implements.

Selecting the largest blank book, she removes a page and begins to test each implement to discover the type of mark it makes. One of them is curious – it has two ends but neither one makes a mark or removes one. She sets it aside to ask about later.

She chooses a lined book and a pen and puts them on the couch. Taking the blank book again and using an erasable marker she makes a quick accurate sketch of the room she is in from two different points of view. She adds a smaller floor plan in the upper corner of one of the pages. Satisfied, this book and marker are added to the other and she returns to the table.

Keeping another large blank book and one other erasable marker on the table she shelves the rest of the books and puts the unwanted writing supplies in a drawer –  except for the one she has the question about.

Then she retrieves the blueprint and spreads it out. She makes herself coffee and as she sips it she circles the table, flipping the pages, absorbing the initial information.

The door opens and the Captain enters. “Good morning.”, he smiles.

She smiles slightly and nods as she moves around the table to put it between them, indicating the communicator.

“Yes. Getting right to it I see. That’s good.”

_“May I take these apart?”_

“Yes. That is your copy to do with what you wish. Mark on it, make notes on it…”

_“Oh, good. Thank you.”_

He notices the stylus that she set aside. “Ah, I think you’ll like this. Watch.” He touches the side of the table and it darkens. He moves the stylus across it and it leaves a tracing of light in its wake.

Her eyes widen. She looks at him in wonder.

“That isn’t what you wanted to do?”, he asks and sweeps his hand across the mark. It disappears.

She holds her hand out eagerly for the stylus. He hands it to her. She spreads a schematic on the table and traces a path with the pen. It glows through the paper. She looks up and grins.

“Yes, I was going to demonstrate that next.”, he says, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “Always one step ahead of me, aren’t you?”

She tries the opposite end and nothing happens. She hands the stylus back and asks, _“Will you show me what this end does?”_

A bit mollified, he takes it and says, “Come stand on this side of the table next to me, facing the window.”

She does but is careful to stand beyond reach.

“Now let’s say you have made a discovery that you want to share with someone, or a group.” He touches the underside of the table then swipes the opposite end of the stylus towards the window. Suddenly a section of the window becomes opaque and the contents of the table are projected there. But they’re upside-down. As she is thinking this, he makes a semi-circular motion on the table with the stylus and the image rights itself.

_“But now anything I add will be upside-down?”_

He smiles. “No, watch this.” He points the stylus at the window and begins to draw. Not only does the mark show up on the window, it appears on the table as well.

 _“Wow.”_ , she mouths, smiling in appreciation.

He returns everything to normal. She is thinking about all this new technology. She strokes the smooth surface of the table absently with her hand. _“And you allow people to eat at this table?”_

He laughs. “Zoe, I love seeing things through your eyes! I’ll leave you to get settled. If you need anything, there’s the call button, someone will come. Oh, and we’re working on a way to provide you with music. Hopefully we can have that set up for you soon.”

He is rewarded with a shy but genuine smile. She bows her head as he extends his hand. It is a bit awkward for a moment, but just as he is about to withdraw it she tentatively extends hers. He takes it slowly and gently in both of his, never breaking eye contact. She nods her head and he releases her hand and leaves.

She watches him go, absently bringing her hand to her chest and shivering. Then she blinks, shakes her head and gets back to work.

It isn’t long before an engineer arrives with a small portable device. He has been briefed to make and maintain eye contact with her and he does his best. She has put the table between them, as is her habit, but she pays close attention as he demonstrates how to search for songs, create playlists, adjust the volume – everything she needs to know to select, sort and play her music. Lastly he gives her a pair of earbuds and shows her how they allow her to listen without anyone else being disturbed by the music. She catches on quickly and thanks him. The minute the door slides shut behind him she gets to it, and within half an hour has an acceptable initial playlist.  

Then, if the day couldn’t get any better a message is delivered that her daily meeting with Dr. Baker has been cancelled. He will be back in touch with her tomorrow. (She doesn’t realize that she has Dr. McCoy to thank for that. He has convinced the Captain that, until she is stronger, she needs at least a day to recover from any sessions that affect her like the one the previous day.) All it means to her is that, hopefully, there will be no more interruptions for a while. She is finally free to do what she loves – crank up the volume and dance while she works!  
  


12:00 –

Dr. McCoy is missing Zoe. He tells his staff that he is going to lunch then goes to see if she has eaten yet. He hears the music as he gets close to the door. As it opens he sees her dancing enthusiastically around the table as she studies the blueprints, which are spread out everywhere. She looks up and smiles at him but doesn’t stop dancing. In fact, she seems surprised to see that he isn’t moving with the beat.

 _“Do you dance?”_ , she types, still smiling.

“Sometimes.”, he says. “Um, I forgot something. I’ll be right back.”

She shrugs and keeps working.

Just as he thought, a quick trip next door reveals the Captain enjoying the show.

“Jim! This has got to stop! Don’t you have work to do?”

“Come on, Bones. I just popped in on my way to lunch to see how she was getting along in there. She’s so uninhibited and full of joy! Surely you can appreciate how rare that is on a ship like this. It’s a breath of fresh air. And how does she do it? With everything she’s been through – how is she still able to access that childlike enthusiasm?”, he exclaims, gesturing to the monitor.

“Look, don’t be fooled by what you see. Allow me to explain the irony of the situation to you. Zoe ran away from home in an act of adolescent rebellion with the first boy who treated her kindly. Yes, they were married, but she was too young to really know what that meant and had no one to teach her. We know it wasn’t physical. For whatever reason her physical attributes weren’t what did it for a male of Rafe’s species, or perhaps what he had to offer was better and more satisfying to both of them.”

“Hold on, Bones…”

“Yeah, I see the look on your face. Zoe may be an adult, but in many ways she has never grown up.  Try to remember that when you start thinking of her as human, would you?”

“So, are you saying she really is still a child?”

Bones speaks slowly. For all Jim's talents and abilities, he thinks, complex thinking often eludes him. “No, that is not what I’m saying. I’m saying that, in many ways, she’s an innocent, despite what she’s been through. I find it incredible that she can access this kind of joy. But don’t forget, we have seen the fulness of some other emotions as well – grief, like yesterday, anger after the mind meld… She does not seem ashamed or afraid to feel."

“Kind of like the anti-Spock.”, Jim muses.

“Huh.”, Bones considers this. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. In a way. Jim, it’s who she is. I’m beginning to understand that the blank impassive look that we so often get from her is her way of protecting us from the force of her emotions. But give her the freedom, the safety, to express herself – well, you’ve seen what that looks like.”

“A few times.”

“Jim, I’m begging you. Don’t do anything that will shut her down. Don’t tell anyone about this. Give her time. She still has a long way to go to trust us and plenty of time to become self-conscious and jaded like the rest of us.”

“I hear you, Doc.”

“Thanks. Now how about shutting that damn thing off? I’m going back in there to see if she still wants to dance with me and I don’t want you watching. I suggest you drop in sometime and get your own damn dance.” He waits for the Captain to exit then goes back next door.

He returns, picks up the beat that she’s currently dancing to and takes her hand to follow her moves. As he does he asks her if she has eaten since breakfast. She seems surprised at what time it is and shakes her head no.

“Well, as your doctor, I came to make sure you don’t forget to eat.”, he says, wondering how much longer he’ll be able to pull the doctor card on her.

She meets his eyes and nods. No suspicion. No flirting. She always takes him at his word.

She waves a hand at the replicator and he realizes that she expects him to choose for them. As he does, she clears room on the table so they can face the window as they eat. She turns the music off and they enjoy the food and the view in companionable silence.

“You’ve been working hard. Do you always dance when you work?”, he asks after they have finished eating.

_“Not always, but I like to when I can.”_

“You need to take care not to wear yourself out. I want you to take a nap after lunch. Doctor’s orders.”

She looks at him and nods. _“Will you stay and talk for a little while?”_

“If you’re lying down while we talk.”

She nods and goes to the couch, taking her communicator with her.

He pulls a chair over to sit beside the couch.

She gets comfortable and types, _“I miss working with you in Sickbay. Will I be able to do that again?”_

“I’m counting on it. I miss it, too. Besides, we still need to go over the list you started on my computer.”

_“I want to give you something.”_

“Oh? What’s that?”

 _“I know you are a man of science. I want to offer whatever samples you need_   _from me to complete your profile on human/Altan physiology – more blood, DNA, tissue, bone, whatever you need.”_

“Zoe, are you sure?” He is incredulous. “Remember the shot, Kitten? Some of those tests can be – uncomfortable.”

_“I did not want the shot, remember? I did not care at the time. But you cared for me, so I did it for you. And it was not as bad as it could have been…”_

He shudders, remembering what she has been through.

_“As long as you do the tests yourself, I will be fine. You have given me so much. Am I wrong in thinking that you would find this knowledge helpful? You couldn't resist a sample of my hair, after all."_

"No, it isn't that. That kind of information would be a tremendous addition to our database. I just don't feel comfortable asking this of you."

_"You are not asking. I am offering. Allow me to give this to you this, please?”_

“If you’re absolutely sure. I’ll go back through your records to see what we already have and what we need. If it’s okay with you I’ll put a team together for that, but I’ll make the final determination on what needs to be done and perform all the procedures myself. You’ll have the final say on everything, because there’ll be consent paperwork for everything that you’ll need to read and sign. I can walk you through that, and you can always change your mind.”

_“I will not change my mind.”_

And he knows she won't. What she doesn’t know is that the best gift she is giving him is more time with her. He is also struggling with himself – as he thinks about the prospect of examining every inch of her body inside and out he wonders if it will be possible to separate the doctor from the man. Better save that train of thought for later. He sees that she is close to nodding off. “Zoe, before you fall asleep, can you tell me about your music?”

But she is half gone. She manages to type, _“Tonight? Dinner?”_

“Sure.”, he says, and he heads back to Sickbay.  
  
  
14:30 -  

That afternoon Captain Kirk stops by to see how she is settling in. He had promised her a way to contact Mr. Spock in case she needs him. He gives her a PADD of her own. It contains the contact information for the senior staff. She thanks him.

He seems reluctant to leave. He was hoping she would have the music on, but he had not stopped to check and did not realize that she had just awoken from her nap and had not restarted it yet.

 _“Was there something else, Sir?”,_ she asks.

"Jim, please. Uh, no. I’ll be going.” He takes her hand and kisses it.

There is something about these interactions with the Captain that unnerves her. She can't seem to figure it out, but she doesn't allow it to distract her for long.

When he leaves again she messages Mr. Spock and Dr. Baker asking to see either or both of them when they have a minute.

They go to see her together. Afterward they report to Kirk about what she wanted.

“Captain,” Dr. Baker begins, “Zoe is asking about a knife she had when we brought her aboard.”

“What about it?”

“Questions like, ’Do we still have it?’, ‘Where is it?’ It’s odd, she sounded concerned for its welfare, as if it were a living thing.”

“That was my sense as well.”, adds Mr. Spock.

“I sent it to Engineering to be analyzed. I’m sure it’s still there, locked up for safekeeping.”

“She asked us to request that it be returned to her possession.”

“I’m not sure that’s wise.”

“It was obvious that it would mean a great deal to her to be able to see it. To know that it is here and still in one piece.”, says Dr. Baker. “It is, isn’t it?”

“As far as I know.”, the Captain answers. “I’ll have Engineering send it up. When I have it, I’ll let you know and we’ll meet with Zoe.”  
  


18:30 –

Dr. McCoy returns to see if Zoe is finished for the day and ready for dinner. The music is playing, but a bit softer than earlier. The tempo is slower as well. She is delighted at his timing and takes his hand to teach him the simple steps to the song that is playing.

“I know this dance.”, he tells her. “On earth we call it the two-step.” She follows his lead easily and they enjoy themselves immensely. When the song ends she turns the music off and straightens up some of the scattered papers.

“Where would you like to eat tonight?”, he asks her.

_“Would my quarters be suitable?”_

“Fine with me.”

She gathers her things and they walk back to her cabin. She asks him to choose the food. He notices that she does not seem to care what she eats, and still does not have much of an appetite. He asks her if she has any favorite foods.

 _“I suppose there are a few things that I miss. I prefer food that is fresh, food that I grow. Everything that comes out of this machine tastes very much the same.”_ She quickly adds, _“But I know it is nutritious and I am thankful for it.”_

“I know what you mean. It’s the best we can do, but nothing beats home grown. Where I’m from on earth they grow a fruit called a peach. There’s nothing like a fresh peach. Unless it’s peach pie.”, he smiles.

_“I would like to taste that someday.”_

“I hope you get that chance. Would you mind if I look at your music playlist?”

 _“No. You said you wanted to. Go ahead.”_ She continues to nibble her food as he scrolls through the titles.

“This is quite the collection. I’m only familiar with a few of these. I see several different languages, and countless genres; Ragtime, soul, Motown, country, blues, many I can’t identify, but mostly rock and roll. From what I can tell, at least a third of the vocalists are women. Are these songs you used to like to sing?”

She nods. _“I still sing them in my head.”_

“Are most Altans fond of music?”

_“Yes. But none of these types. Altans are as similar in their music tastes as they are in other things. I learned of some of these songs from my mother. Music was one of the things from earth that she loved. She also loved to dance. She taught me the dances to several of these songs.”_

“What about the other ones?”

_“Rafe found them for me.”_

“He found them for you? How did he do that?”

_“I do not know. I would hear them in his head. It was one way that he communicated with me. Through the words and the emotions in the songs he would give me. I asked him to collect some songs that I could give to him. When I was given this device I searched for the ones I could remember. Music speaks to me on a deeper level than words. What about you?”_

“What about me?”

_“I do not know how to ask. How does music fit in your life, perhaps? What part does it play?”_

“You know, Zoe, you make me think about things that I’ve never thought about before. And when you ask me questions like that one I sometimes wonder why I have never thought about it before. I think I would have to say that for me, music is nice but not necessary. I don’t often seek it out. It doesn’t serve a particular function. I mean, if I go to a bar to have a drink there is often music playing. If I hear a song I like and there is someone to dance with I might dance. But other than that…”

 _“What is the meaning of ‘bar’?”,_ she asks, knowing he can’t be referring to a long rod or pole.

“It’s a business where people go to drink alcohol together. There can be dancing as well, but we usually call those ‘clubs’”

_“These are public social gathering places?”_

“Yes. Exactly.”

_“How odd that they are both named for crude weapons.”_

“You’re right, I never thought about that either. But that reminds me, do you know how alcohol – distilled or fermented beverages – affects you?”

_“I do not believe I have ever tried these. What effect do they have on humans?”_

“In moderation they usually have the effect of releasing a brain chemical called dopamine among others, which results in what some refer to as a ‘buzz’. They enhance the effect of calming agents on the brain, which can cause sleepiness. They interfere with communication pathways, which can change mood and behavior and make it harder to speak clearly and move smoothly.”

 _“And why do humans consume these beverages?”_  

“To distract themselves, to forget unpleasant things, to overcome social awkwardness and inhibitions. You’re right again. It doesn’t sound very smart when I say it out loud.” Especially since that’s just the effects on the brain, he thinks. Now his medical training is bringing back to mind the adverse effects of alcohol on all the other body systems. “You know what? Never mind. There’s no reason for you to try alcohol. If you ever think you might want to, please tell me first, okay? We’ll do a controlled, monitored experiment to see how your body reacts, just in case.”

She nods. _“I enjoyed dancing with you. It would be nice to do that again.”_

“I’d like that. I enjoyed it as well.” He has a sudden thought. “It’s not too late. Do you feel like taking a walk with me?”

She nods.

He leads her out the door and to the section of the ship that is almost at the lowest level.

 _“I saw this on the blueprints. I meant to ask about it!”,_ she types as he leads her into the Botanical Gardens. She stands in the doorway for a moment taking it all in before slowly beginning to move up and down the aisles, reading the labels on all of the specimens. _“Do you use these to formulate any of your own medicines?”_

“Not often, but I can if I have to.”

_“Some of these are on the list I started for you.”_

“Yes, I know. One of these days soon we are going to get back to that list.” She seems determined not to miss a thing, so he waits as she walks up and down the narrow aisles until she has seen it all. She pockets a few of the leaves from some of the more familiar ones.

_“Can we come back here again?”_

“I don’t see why not. But it is getting late. We’d better head back now.”

  
Once back in her room he says, “I want to thank you again for offering to allow me to collect the rest of your physical data for our records.” He hands her a PADD and tells her that it contains a list of all the tests the team would like done, accompanied by the descriptions, risks and consent forms. He would like her to read it through tonight. He will come back first thing in the morning to draw blood before she has had anything to eat or drink. They can talk about any questions or concerns that she has at that time.

She agrees.

He hands her two containers with instructions for collecting her first liquid and solid output of the morning. She notices that the labels on the containers are marked ‘Altan/Human’, but in the space designated ‘patient name’ there is already a number – ‘0001-F’.

_“So, I am Patient 0001-F?”_

“For the sake of file sharing and research. Does that bother you? It’s standard procedure to disguise identities. I’ll always know who you are.”

_“No. I am glad you know. I am glad you are the only one testing me. It just brought home to me how truly alone I am, because unless something has changed since I have been away, I am the only ‘Altan/Human’ in the universe. But I do not imagine anyone outside this ship would know that, would they? So, ‘Patient 0001-F’ it is.”_

God help him, if he can have anything to do with it, this woman will never be alone again. “Hey, Kitten, vocabulary matters. Words matter. You may be unique, one of a kind, but you’re not alone anymore, got it?”

She meets his eyes, wondering how this man always knows what she needs to hear. She smiles softly and nods.

“Alright. I’ve got work to do and so do you. I’ll leave you to it. See you in the morning. Remember, nothing to eat or drink until I’ve drawn your blood.”

She gives a nod and begins to read.

Before she goes to bed, Zoe opens a drawer and sorts the leaves she collected. She makes copious notes in her journal – the date, time and sketches of the plants and their uses – intending to find a way to replace or reimburse what she has taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated :)


	5. Day 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe regains possession of her - most unusual - weapon, and Dr. McCoy learns something surprising.

Day 14

07:00 –

As promised, Dr. McCoy arrives early to draw Zoe’s blood. As they eat a light breakfast they go through his list and she consents to everything he has requested.  They walk to Sickbay to drop off her samples and then he escorts her to her office. He asks if she would be willing to begin that evening when her work day ends. She agrees.  
  


11:00 –

Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock and Dr. Baker enter the room where Zoe has been working. She turns to see them approach. She shuts off the music and, as is her habit, moves around to the other side of the table to put it between them. The Captain is in the middle with a box in his hand. He places it on the table and slides it slightly towards her. “I believe you were concerned about this?”

She looks at him, then down at the box. She removes the lid and places it aside. The knife has been cleaned and polished and laid on a piece of soft cloth. Her right hand stretches out and hovers over it for a moment, almost expectantly, then after another moment withdraws slowly.

Now her expression has changed. She is looking at it as if it were a child in a casket. She reaches out again, this time with both hands, and slides them gently underneath – one under the hilt and one under the blade – lifting it like an infant, gazing at it with love, sorrow and regret. The men steal glances at each other, feeling as if they are intruders. However, she is oblivious to their presence.

Having satisfied herself of something, she moves as if to place it back in the box but stops suddenly in surprise. Her left hand drops away from the blade and they follow her eyes to see the hilt turn in her right hand of its own accord. Now her left hand joins her right to bring it between her breasts in a gentle embrace. Her eyes are closed and there is profound relief on her face.

Now she is turning towards the window, holding it at arms’ length – an extension of herself. Then the dance begins, a series of graceful, fluid moves with both hands, thrusts and parries, slices and stabs.

Watching this display the Captain mutters, “Just when I think I’ve seen everything…”

“Oh, come on, Sir, “Baker whispers, “we’ve seen much weirder stuff than this.”

“Maybe,”, Kirk replies, “but it’s easier to appreciate it when your life’s not on the line.”

And Zoe remembers that she is not alone. She slips the knife into her waistband and nods to the men in thanks.

Spock and Baker look at the Captain, not knowing what to say, silently willing him to speak first.

“Um, Zoe, now that you know your knife is safe, I think it would be best to lock it up again.”

She raises herself to her full height and shakes her head no.

“But it’s very sharp. You could hurt yourself without meaning to.”

She shakes her head, whips out the knife and before anyone can move, slices it across her arm. They freeze, waiting for blood to gush or spurt, but nothing happens.

She tilts her head and raises her eyebrows as if to say, “Any other questions?”

Never one to disappoint, Kirk says, “Well, you could accidentally hurt someone else.”

She shakes her head no and motions for Mr. Spock to join her.

“Captain?”, he asks?

Kirk nods.

He comes around the table and stands at Zoe’s left side. She continues to hold the knife loosely in her right hand as he takes his right hand in her left and they communicate telepathically for a few moments. Then Spock speaks.

“Captain, before we proceed, Zoe would like you to try to take the knife from her hand and return it to the box.”

She stretches her hand across the table towards him, palm up, knife at a right angle to her body. He wraps his hand around the hilt of the knife but is unable to lift it from her open palm. He lets go and then tries again, quickly. Nothing. “What kind of trick is this?”

“Captain, if we may move on, Zoe would like to address your concern that she might accidentally hurt someone else.”

“Alright.”

As soon as she hears the word, Zoe closes her hand over the hilt and draws the blade across Spock’s neck. The two other men blanch in shock. Nothing happens.

Then Spock holds out his hand and Zoe places the knife in it. “Dr. Baker, your hand, please?”

Dr. Baker extends his hand. Spock barely touches the end of a finger with the tip of the knife and immediately draws blood.

“Ouch!” Baker exclaims as he pulls back his hand to suck his finger.

Next Spock draws the edge of the knife quickly and lightly across his own finger and again draws blood. Handing Zoe back the knife so that he can put pressure on his own finger he says, “Gentlemen, I believe we have adequately demonstrated that the safest place for this weapon is with its owner. While in her possession it responds to her intent. It is at its most dangerous in other hands. Agreed?”

“Apparently.”, Kirk agrees. “Alright, Zoe. The knife will remain with you. Please don’t make me regret it.”

She bows to him in thanks.

As the three men turn to leave she hands Dr. Baker her communicator. _“Dr. Baker, a moment, please?”_

“Gentlemen, I’ll catch up with you later.”, he tells them. “What can I do for you, Zoe?”, he asks.

She motions for him to sit. _“I would like to ask you about something that is troubling me.”_

“What is it?”

_“Something happens to me sometimes when I am in the presence of your Captain.”_

“Can you be more specific?”

_“My thoughts – stop. And my insides – move. I am not afraid anymore, so that is not it. But I am not at ease either, the way I am with you or Dr. McCoy.”_

“What do you do when this happens?”

_“There is nothing I can do. I would like to make everything stop so that I could study him for a minute and try to understand it, but I cannot do that, so I just try to ignore it.”_

“Do you find yourself thinking about the Captain when he is not with you? At random times during the day?”

_“No. Why?”_

“Do you find yourself thinking about the next time you’ll see him and looking forward to that time?”

_“No! I am telling you this is very uncomfortable for me. I only brought it up today because I thought you might be able to help me understand it. Why are you smiling?”_

“I’m sorry. I’m smiling because what you’re describing is so human. And it’s very natural, and it isn’t anything to be worried about.”

_“So, you know why this happens?”_

“I have a pretty good idea. I’m just not sure you want to know, and if you do, how and how much to tell you.”

_“Do we need Mr. Spock?”_

“Perhaps that would be helpful. I will tell you this much now, in case you want to do some research on your own. The human body produces chemicals called hormones. Think of them as messengers that travel throughout your body, controlling everything from your growth and development to your behavior, mood and emotions. These hormones can cause physiological responses such as breathlessness, accelerated heartbeat, feeling flushed or warm, under – let’s just say – ‘certain specific conditions’. Does this sound familiar to you?”

It does, but she decides not to share that fact, instead asking, “ _Is dopamine one of these hormones?”_

“It is, yes.”

_“Are you going to tell the Captain about this?”_

“Not without your permission, no.”

_“Do you have to tell Dr. McCoy?”_

“Would you rather I didn't?”

_“Yes. Please do not. I do not know why, but I think he would not like it. How can I expect him to understand when I do not. I am not entirely sure that you do either, but that remains to be seen.”_  
  


18:00 –

Dr. McCoy comes to collect Zoe after everyone has left Sickbay for the day. They are having a bite to eat together when she passes him the communicator.

_“Dr. McCoy, before we begin tonight do you think we could get the p.t. lab for half an hour or so without being interrupted?”_

“That should be possible. What did you have in mind?”

_“May we just go? I would rather show you than tell you.”_

Once in the lab she asks him to lock the door. She goes to the largest tub and begins to fill it with water, testing the temperature – not too hot, not too cold. She hands him a stopwatch, a notebook and a pen. _“Please time me.”_

“Time you?”

 _“Yes. I used to do this when I was a little girl, but it has been years. I want to see what happens. Now, listen.”_ She looks him in the eyes. _“I am not trying to die, okay?”_

She waits for him to nod and say okay.

 _“You will not need to rescue me. If you become concerned, ask me if I can hear you and I will do this.”_ She makes a thumbs-up sign. _“I am going to undress.”_

He turns around.

She shakes her head and shrugs but is out of her clothes and into the water in seconds. He hears the splash and turns around to see her hand him the communicator on which she has typed, _“Ready? Go.”_ He just has time to grab it before she goes into a dead man’s float.

He notes the time, thinking ‘This won’t take long.’ He notices that at some point she took down her intricately braided hair. It now covers the surface of the water, obscuring most of her neck, shoulders and back. She is so still. One minute passes. Then two.

“Zoe?”

Thumbs up right away.

He begins to observe more closely. No bubbles. And her skin is changing. He reaches out to touch it. It’s so smooth. Realizing he’s been distracted he looks at the stopwatch. Four minutes!

“Zoe!”

Thumbs up again.

He is studying her intently. Alright, what’s going on? The scans of her lungs didn’t reveal any excess capacity. There was nothing in her physiology that would suggest the ability to hold her breath for this long. She isn’t even struggling. He puts the notebook, pen, stopwatch and communicator on a nearby table. He reaches a hand in the water to find a pulse point. Her body isn’t fighting for breath. It’s adapting somehow. Her pulse is low.

He retrieves the stopwatch. Coming up on eight minutes.

“Okay, Zoe, I think whatever you were trying to prove, you’ve proven it. Will you come up now, please? We need to talk.”

She slowly surfaces, turning to allow her hair to cover her nakedness for his sake. She’s smiling and in no distress at all. He hands her back the communicator.

“How the hell did you do that?”

_“Are you angry with me?”_

“No! No, I just can’t make sense of what I saw.”

_“Well, I was not sure I still had them, and if I did, I did not know if they still worked. I wanted to find out.”_

“If you had what? If what worked?”

_“Look, I am enough of a freak already. You are the only one who does not treat me as if I am going to suddenly sprout another head. I want you to know. But can it be our secret, please?”_

Rubbing one hand over his forehead into his hair he sighs, “Why do you always do this to me? Put me in this position? And do not pull the friend card!”

_“Well, you are collecting all my data. I thought you should know.”_

“The best I can do is tell you I won't tell anyone unless I have to. You will just have to trust me.”

She sighs, but apparently decides that’s good enough. She motions for him to come closer. When he is standing right next to the tub she moves her hair away from her neck on one side. At first he doesn’t see anything. Then she splashes her neck with water and the slight movement is enough.

“Gills! You’ve got gills? Do all Altans have gills?”

She frowns. _“I do not know. I used to think we grew out of them. The young ones were always in the water when we could be, but the adults never joined us. I have always been happiest and most at home in the water. It is my element. Since I left Alta water has been scarce. I have missed it so much.”_

He hands her a towel and she climbs out of the tub, drains the water and dries and dresses herself and rebraids her hair. He sits silently, waiting, thinking about what he has just seen. Then they walk back to Sickbay together.

Once there, Dr. McCoy updates her on the results so far. They have analyzed her blood and other samples and have a baseline reading for everything they are set up to test for in any known species. They have also sequenced her DNA. Tonight, he would like to perform the standard visual physical examination and as many of the non-invasive tests that they have time for. These would include an EEG, EKG, and a full body x-ray to reveal the number, shape, size and position of her bones. Tomorrow he would like to perform the MRI with contrast of her head, neck and spinal column, and a full body CT scan with contrast to determine the number, size and location of her internal organs, as well as the four invasive procedures – muscle, bone and marrow biopsies and a lumbar puncture.

He tells her that he has informed the Captain of what they are doing and has requested that she be relieved her from her duties tomorrow, due to the time needed for the tests and the recovery period. The Captain has given permission but added that this qualifies as part of the work that she is doing. He asks her if this is acceptable and she agrees.

She changes into a gown that opens in the front. He begins by measuring and recording her height, weight, blood pressure and temperature. She sits on the edge of the biobed as he uses lighted instruments to check her eyes, ears, nose and throat, making notes of his observations as he goes. He listens to her lungs and heart from the front and back.

He realizes that he has been caught up in observing and recording and has abandoned his earlier practice of narrating what he is doing and why. He apologizes. He tells her that he needs to touch her now – that he will be systematically examining the look and feel of her skin, muscles and joints, and palpating some of her internal organs. He asks her to stop him if it becomes too much for her.

He begins by removing one shoulder of her robe. He begins to stroke and probe his way down her shoulder and arm and then back up again, checking all the pulse points, watching her face for any signs of distress. It’s clear she is not loving this, but she is not objecting either. Draping that arm again, he moves to the other side and repeats the process, making sure to check the elbows and wrists for mobility. He moves behind her and asks her to drop the gown to her waist so he can get a look at her back. The sight of all the scar tissue grieves him. He tries not to let that show. Pressing lightly in a few places he asks her if this causes her any pain. She shakes her head no.

He lifts the gown back up to her shoulders before moving back around to the front of the bed and asking her to lie down and scoot back. Now he opens the gown below her breasts and begins to palpate her internal organs – stomach, spleen, liver, etc. – again pausing to record his notes and observations. Covering her again he gives her legs the same treatment he gave her arms – bending and flexing at the joints, checking for muscle tone and so on.

Asking her to remain where she is, he steps away and returns with a device that he puts on her head. He explains that it records he brain waves. He draws another strap across her chest, with leads that attach to one leg as well. This is to record the workings of her heart. He asks her to relax for a minute while he steps away once more.

He returns with a covered tray that he sets aside while he detaches the other two machines and packs them up.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”, he asks, truly wanting to know.

She shakes her head no, but she isn’t smiling.

He shows her his PADD. “Look, we’re more than halfway through the entire list. There’s only the full body x-ray and one other test left for tonight.” He removes the drape from the tray and puts on a pair of gloves. “This is the one blood test that has to be drawn from an artery. It measures your blood gasses. The needle is smaller, and it doesn’t take much blood, okay? You don’t have to look.”

She looks away as he takes her left hand in his and turns it palm up. He preps the outside edge below her wrist. It takes him a minute to decide on a spot, but when he does, the needle goes in smoothly and he’s done and holding pressure on it as soon as her sharp intake of breath indicates her discomfort. “Done. You did great.” He smiles at her and this time she smiles back.

She stands on a platform with her hands out to the side as two films are taken, and then with her hands down for two more.

He tells her to get dressed. When she emerges, he is waiting to walk her back to her cabin. When there he asks her if he can come in for a minute. She agrees. He tells her that tomorrows tests are going to take longer and be more invasive. He has reserved the operating room, but there may be activity in Sickbay. That’s unavoidable. Will that be alright?

She nods.

He would feel more comfortable performing some of these tests if he had a nurse to assist. Is there any nurse that she would allow to be present and assist him? She thinks and describes his head nurse.

“Good. I was hoping you would say that. Then we’re all set. Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

 


	6. Day 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Data collection continues

Day 15

08:00 –

Dr. McCoy arrives at Zoe's cabin. He is beginning to have second thoughts about some of the tests. The information that he has gathered already may not be a complete profile, but it should be enough to help him take care of any medical issues that might arise with her in the future. 

When she opens the door he asks if he can come in for a minute. Once inside he asks, "Zoe, are you sure you want to keep going with this? We have a substantial amount of data already."

His concern is evident. She makes them both a cup of coffee and sits down. _"You are the doctor. But from what I can tell none of these tests are extreme or gratuitous. Did you not make your initial decision based on the useful data you have collected on other species you have encountered?"_

"Well, yes.", he admits.

_"Then without these tests your data on Altans would not be as complete as on these other species?"_  

"Maybe not, but that's okay."

_"That does not make sense. Am I to conclude that your hesitation has to do with me somehow?"_

He doesn't say anything because he knows she won't like his answer.

_"Thank you for your concern, doctor, but this was my idea, remember? It is important to me. So unless you have a logical objection may we proceed as planned?"  _She touches his hand as he reads and smiles when he looks up.

"Alright, if you're sure."

She nods and they make the short walk to the Sickbay.  
  


It takes little time to get Zoe gowned and prepped. An i.v is started and she is given something to relax her. Dr. McCoy begins with a lumbar puncture to collect spinal fluid. This test is uncomfortable, but she tolerates it without complaint. Dr. McCoy has her rest on her side while he prepares for the other procedures.

He knows she has read about these procedures, but he narrates regardless understanding that the sound of his voice soothes her. He takes his time, watching not just her physical but also her emotional reactions. He wants her data for his files, but not at the expense of her faith and trust.

He is more relieved than she is when these tests are finally finished. He could tell that they were not easy for her even though she tried not to let it show. His nurse holds pressure on the small wound for a few minutes. Dr. McCoy brings an ice pack for the pain and to slow the bleeding.

He tells his nurse to take an early lunch. He brings Zoe some tea and sits with her while she sips it. He asks her how she’s holding up. She says she’s fine but a little tired.  He tells her that’s probably due to the sedative. She can doze if she wants to. She suggests that he go get something to eat himself. By the time his nurse returns she has fallen asleep, so he goes to do just that.  
  
While in the officer’s mess, he runs into Kirk and Spock who share the events of the previous day regarding her knife. He can't wait to hear more about it from Zoe.

He returns to Sickbay an hour later. Zoe is awake again. They talk for a minute about what is left to be done. He tells her that he will be giving her a contrast agent before running the bone and organ scans and then they will be finished for the day.

Three and a half hours later all the tests have been completed. Zoe has been observed and deemed recovered enough to return to her cabin. Dr. McCoy tells her that he will join her there for dinner after he has wrapped up for the night.  
  
  


18:00 –

That evening Dr. McCoy comes to her cabin to check on her. After establishing that she is suffering no ill effects from the day’s ordeal, they decide on what to have for supper. As they eat he tells her what Kirk and Spock shared with him at lunch and expresses his disappointment that he missed the knife demonstration.

“The Captain, Baker, even Spock – they don’t know what to make of it. May I see it?”

She nods and draws it from her waistband, balancing it in her open palm.

“It’s beautiful. Did you make it?”

She nods.

“The hilt – can I hold it?”

She nods again and makes a lifting motion with her palm.

He watches her eyes as he reaches out, but she gazes at him steadily as he easily lifts it from her palm.

“Wow, it’s so light!”

_“Please be careful.”, s_ he types. _“It is deceptively sharp.”_

“So I’ve heard.” He studies the hilt, turning and fingering it. It isn’t bone. It isn’t wood. It is organic. “I’m a country boy. It reminds me a little bit of an animal antler, but that can’t be. Whatever it is, it’s so strong that Engineering couldn’t remove the smallest piece to sample.”

He looks up to see that she has blanched at his words. “What? Zoe, what is it? What did I say?” He hands her back the knife and she cradles it as her color returns.

“Of course, how stupid can I be. Forgive me. You know what it is. And it’s very special to you. We didn’t know. We didn’t understand. I’m sorry.”

She meets his eyes and nods and he knows that he’s forgiven.

“Zoe, I’m a doctor and a man of science, but I’m also your friend. I would love to know what this knife is made of, but if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, too.”

She motions for him to come sit where he can see her type, so he realizes this may take some time. “More tea first?”

She nods.

He freshens their cups and when he returns with them she has placed knife back on the table and begun to type.

_“The Captain, Dr. Baker and Mr. Spock forced me to demonstrate the ‘how’ and the ‘what’. Because you are my friend I want to share with you the ‘why’. Do you understand?”_

“I think so. You mean, for you to convince them to allow you to keep the knife in your possession you had to prove to them that it was safest with you?”

She nods.

“And in doing that, they were able to see that it – I’m sorry, I’m struggling with this part because I’m seeing an inanimate object – but what they report was that it responded to your will.”

She nods.

“And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m a simple man. Skin is skin and sharp is sharp. The only way you would be able to wear that thing in your waistband is if the physical properties of the blade were able to alter themselves.”

Her eyes light up and she nods and slaps him on the shoulder.

“But that’s not possible!”

She rolls her eyes and sighs.

“You’re saying that’s exactly what happens?!”

She smiles and nods.

“And quicker than the human eye can observe?”

She nods again.

He picks up his tea, gets up, paces around sipping it for a few minutes before finally sitting back down. Okay, Zoe, I’m ready to hear the rest. Just walk me through it slowly please, okay?”

But now she hesitates. There is no going back from this.

_“Before I tell you anything else, what you are about to hear is personal, intimate. I have given you my friendship and so I can and will share with you anything you want to know. But it has been brought to my attention repeatedly that there is much that I do not understand about human males. Your reactions continue to surprise me.”_

“My reactions?”

_“Sometimes, yes.”_

He looks disappointed.

_“Not as often. And I see you working so very hard to understand me. To not be distracted or stopped by the outside, to see past that. And I see you try to help others see past that too, and I am grateful. Up until now you have been the only one to truly try to accept that, while I appear human on the outside, I am something completely ‘other’ on the inside.”_

“Well, not completely.”

_“You see, even you continue to hold out hope that I am more like you than I believe.”_

“But we don’t know yet.”

_“True, there is much we still do not know. I just do not want to give you information that will make it more difficult for you to be my friend.”_

“And you think this might do that?”

_“I do not know.”_

“Zoe, how many times have I asked you to trust me?”

She smiles.

“Have I let you down yet?”

She shakes her head.

“Then why don’t you try me one more time?”

_“Alright. But I have one request. Try to hear me as a man of science and a doctor and not just as my friend. Please keep what I am about to share confidential. If it troubles you, let me know. Please do not discuss it with anyone else?”_

“Okay, if it’s that important to you.”

Here goes. _“The ‘hilt’, as you call it, is Rafe.”_

“Your husband?!”

_“Well, not all of him. A part of him.”_

McCoy looks at the knife in front of him on the table. Now he can’t tear his eyes off of it. He leans toward her and whispers, “I’m sorry, what part?”

_“It does not have a human equivalent. And you do not have to whisper. It is not sentient in that way. It cannot understand you. When we entered our marriage covenant Rafe presented me with this part of himself. He explained that it was a gift of himself to me. That to return it to him would be to indicate my choice to permanently sever our union. He demonstrated how it could not be taken from me without my consent.”_

“Did he take a piece of you as well? In exchange?”

_“Of course not! What would be the point of that?”_ She cannot help rolling her eyes. _“Pieces of the human, or the Altan, body cannot live apart from their host. You are a doctor, you should know this. Apparently there are races, such as Rafe’s, for whom this is not the case.”_

“Right, sorry.”

_“All I know is that from the moment he gave it to me I was never without it. At first I carried it in my clothing, in a pocket or my waistband. Then I began using it to keep my hair up or back. I began to feel that it preferred to be there, if that makes sense. That is where it was the day I was taken. I do not know if they did not notice it or did not care. I did not know if it could be taken from me now that Rafe was dead. I just knew it was all I had left and I had to try to keep it. So, at the first opportunity I slid it up inside myself to hide it. They never discovered it.”_

He reaches out and puts one hand at each end of the hilt. “You carried this inside of you for four years? Wasn’t that uncomfortable?”

_“No.”_ She picks it up again _. This is what it is now, because this is what I need it to be now. Do you understand? Do you see how it fits my hand? How the balance is just right?”_

He nods.

_“In my hair it became what it needed to be there. When I put it inside me it changed. It filled me and closed me off. It protected me.”_

His eyes close with the pain of the thought. “So, you’re telling me they tried to violate you there. To insert – things. But this made that impossible?”

She lightly touches his arm to get him to open his eyes and nods slightly. _“And somehow it kept it from hurting me as well. Although I did not let them know that.”_

“Smart girl. Amazing, smart girl.”

_“Are you okay? Do you want me to finish?”_

He nods.

_“When I escaped to the planet where you found me, I removed ‘Rafe’. To see him, to hold him again gave me the strength I needed to go on. The idea for the knife came to me as I watched the shape change to almost what you see now.”_ She puts the knife back down. _“I saw this in my mind. So, I found a metalsmith, made a sketch and a bargain and three days later returned for my blade.”_

“But how did you attach it?”

_“Patience. I am getting to that.”_ She decides to take a sip of her tea and let him wait. _“You men of science. It hurts my heart to think of your engineers using all of their means to attempt to remove a sample to analyze, never giving a thought to the possible consequence of their actions.”_

“You’re right. There was no rush. We could have waited. We could have spoken to you.”

_“Thank you. Thank you for saying that. But Leonard, can I tell you something?”_

“Now you’re asking?”

She smiles. _“You all look at me as if I’m so advanced – as if I have answers and information that you do not. Well, maybe I do – but maybe not.”_

He begins to object.

_“No. Listen. Please.”_

“Sorry.”

_“This is difficult. I am realizing that I need help to discover what I know. There are things that I always thought everyone knew that surprise you. But until they come up and you are surprised, I am not even aware they are not common knowledge. Do you understand?”_

“Yes. Oh, yes.”

_“But, even worse, I am learning that you all have shared knowledge and experience of a universe that I never imagined existed and have no understanding or awareness of. You have all been so many places and seen so many things. I have been protected and sheltered my whole life – first by my mother, then by my husband._

“Well, except for the last four years.”

_“Yes, well, the last four years I was imprisoned so the result is the same. I learned nothing. To be more specific, I learned nothing about living in community. About coexisting peacefully and productively with other species. And the most painful thing of all is that, thanks to my mother, what little knowledge I have of humanity is second-hand and mostly negative. Now I find myself on a ship largely populated by humans. Because of my appearance I am expected to act and react like a human, have the same drives and motivations – and I have no idea what those are supposed to be.”_

“Zoe, why are you telling me this now?”

_“Because if I did not know differently, I would say you were not human!”_

He laughs out loud. “You know, if anyone else said that it would be an insult, but, coming from you, somehow it doesn’t sound like one.”

_“Oh, no! I am not insulting you! I am simply suddenly wondering if I am being unfair to you.”_

“What do you mean, unfair? In what way?”

_“Am I doing the same thing with you that I get upset with the others for doing with me? They expect me to act human because I look human. Am I forgetting you are human because you do not act like one?”_

She pauses, trying to decide how to continue. _“I cannot imagine another person on this ship who would be able to sit here calmly discussing my personal experience – an intimate experience – with a phenomenon that I have no way of knowing is something that is unique in the universe or common to every tenth inhabited planet, who would react in such a stereotypically Altan way.”_

“And what way is that exactly?”

_“You are patient and respectful. You express curiosity and wonder, but you are willing to place your personal desire for information secondary to my willingness to share. When your credulity is taxed you do not scoff or attack, or jest or dismiss. You endeavor to suspend disbelief. When your methods are challenged you do not rush to justify, you pause and consider. I have not observed this to be common among humans. I am in awe of you.”_

“Darlin’ don’t go putting me up on any pedestal. You may have been bringing things out of me that I didn't know were there, but I assure you, I am still a one hundred percent, red-blooded human male. And right now is not the time to talk about what **that** means, okay?”, he says, thinking to himself how glad he is that he is seated at the table with no plans to get up any time soon.

She narrows her eyes at him questioningly, then simply nods.

“You were going to tell me about the blade?”

_“Right. Okay. That part I still do not understand. I mean, I saw the finished knife in my mind, but it did not occur to me to wonder how to connect the two pieces until I picked up the blade. I went to the woods and unwrapped the cloth that held it and laid it on the ground. I put the hilt on the ground next to it. Even as I was considering options – pitch? – twine? – this end of the hilt opened up and, the best way I can describe it is, it sucked that end of the blade into it.”_

Seeing the look on his face she says, _“I know. I watched it and I did not believe it. I feel silly telling you this. I picked it up and shook it. I stuck it in the ground and wiggled it. It was in there for good. And it has been in there ever since. But there’s more. I stood up and held it and it changed again, for the final time so far. The hilt took the shape and size you see now, and the blade grew shiny and sharp. The next thing I knew I was dancing with it. Slicing, stabbing, spinning. I had the thought, ‘Pick a target.’ So, I chose a tree and threw. The knife flew true to the target. I retrieved it and began swinging it again and heard, ‘Pick a harder target.’ So, I spun and threw at a knot on a tree farther away. Same result. When it was back in my hand once more, the thought came, ‘Now something really hard.’ I had noticed a nest about thirty feet up in a tree a few dozen yards away. Without thinking I threw at that. It sailed right through the middle and stuck fast. My heart sank, right? How stupid could I be? How was I ever going to get it back? But before I could even finish that last thought, it let go and fell to the ground.”_

“Wow.”

_“Yes.”_

“So, I guess the moral of this story is don’t piss you off.”

_“I do not know about the moral, but that is the story. Suddenly I am very tired. I do not wish to be rude, but I need to sleep now.”_

“I understand, Kitten. Thanks for sharing.” He smiles at her, kisses her on the forehead, says goodnight and heads back to his own quarters to begin to process all that he’s learned in the past few days.

 

 


	7. Day 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. McCoy wraps up his data gathering on Zoe.  
> She gets two pieces of news that she doesn't know what to do with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only three more chapters after this one before Part Three begins.  
> For anyone following, my plan is to complete posting Part Two by next week :)

Day 16

Zoe has recovered completely from the previous day’s ordeal.

She has worked a full day.

Dr. McCoy comes to escort her to Sickbay. As they enter she sees a new sign on the door that reads, “No Admittance – Research in Progress” 

“That’s to make sure nobody barges in.”, he tells her. “We’re going to start off in my office tonight and have supper while we talk. You need to drink a couple of glasses of water for me before I can do one of the tests, okay?” He brings dinner for both of them and puts it on his desk.

She nods.

“Zoe, you know I’m starting to be able to ‘read’ you.”

She does not respond.

“I can tell this last exam bothers you or scares you more than any of the others and I don’t want to do it until I understand why that is. Can you tell me?”

_“I am not sure.”_

“Has a doctor ever examined your female reproductive anatomy before?”

_“Once.”_

“How old were you?”

_“Fourteen.”_

“Okay. This would have been on Alta, then?”

She nods.

“From what you’ve told us fourteen is a little young. What was the reason for the exam?”

_“My mother made me have it. When I started changing.”_

“And by ‘changing’, you mean?”

_“Bleeding. My mother wanted the doctor to stop my bleeding.”_

“Did you see the doctor while you were bleeding?”

_“No! No, it stopped on its own. We had an appointment to go the next week, but I did not want to. So, I hid for a few days and told my mother I forgot. The next time I started bleeding I went to the lake and stayed there, mostly in the water, until it stopped. But somehow my mother knew it had happened again. She did not tell me she had made another appointment. She just took me.”_

“What did the doctor do, Zoe?”

_“He made me undress. He looked at everything down there. My mother was with me. It did not hurt. But then my mother left the room and he put me to sleep. After that my stomach hurt for a week. My mother would not tell me what happened. I said I would never go back. She said I would not have to. I read and read what you said you were going to do and I did not see anything…”_ She stops typing. She is shaking and trying to blink back tears.

“Here, sip this.”, he says, handing her the water. As she does, he leans in and takes her hand. “You didn't see anything because whatever that doctor did is not part of a routine exam. Do you hear me?”

She is breathing deeply, but she is trying to drink the water and the shaking has stopped.

“By now you should know that I would never do anything to you without telling you first, right?”

She nods.

“Unless it was an emergency – but then I would tell you afterward.” He smiles and she smiles back. “Look, we don’t have to do this tonight. There’s no rush.”

_“No. I am here. This is all that is left to do. I would rather finish than come back if that is alright.”_

“That’s fine. I understand. Then try to relax. Drink your water and let me finish taking your history. So, your first menses was at age fourteen…”

_“Menses?”_

“Period? The bleeding." She really doesn’t know? "How often does it happen now?”

_“Never.”_

“Never!?” He looks at her in amazement. 

_“No. Not since the doctor stopped it.”_

“Zoe, that would have been…”, he stops to do the math, “over seventeen years ago.” Is that even possible he wonders? Her scans showed a uterus.

_“What is it?”_

“Nothing.”, he says. “Well, I don’t know. You’re not human, so who knows. That’s one reason we’re doing this, right?”

_“But you will tell me later? You promised you would help me learn what was human about me and what was Altan, remember?”_

“I remember. Of course, I remember. I just don’t want to mislead you by speculating. Let me gather and analyze all the data I can first, please? Then I will share it with you and we can figure it out together. Does that sound fair?”

She nods.

“Okay good. Give me a second.” He scans the rest of the personal history form. Hell, none of this applies. Wait, there’s one. “Zoe, do you know anything about your birth? Were you early? Late? On time?”

She shakes her head.

“Any idea what you weighed at birth?”

_“I think in your measurements that would be roughly three kilograms.”_

Finally, an actual number. Six pounds, nine ounces. That’s not bad. “Any idea what the average Altan birth weight is?”

_“Five kilograms.”_

Of course, that’s why she knows. One more area where she doesn’t measure up. Well, I would think her mother at least would have been grateful for that one. “Zoe, human women are prone to reproductive diseases; breast cancer, cervical cancer, uterine cancer. Do Altan women suffer from any of those?”

_“Cancer? What is cancer?”_

She’s got to be kidding. They must just have another word for it. “Cancer is a disease that occurs when healthy cells change into unhealthy ones and then grow faster than and destroy the surrounding tissue. It affects the organs and is deadly if not discovered early and treated.”

_“No. We have nothing like that.”_

Wow. If that’s true and he can discover why, this research may be more important than he initially thought.

_“Leonard, where did you go?”_

“I’m sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself. That’s it for the questions. Are you ready for the physical exam?”

She nods.

“Okay. Take this gown to the bathroom. Take off all your clothes and put it on, open in the front, then come meet me at the biobed.”

He has just finished adapting the bed with leg supports and stirrups when she rejoins him.

“There.” He positions her at the end of the bed, facing him. “Hop up.” She does. “Perfect.” He adjusts the back to 45 degrees. “Now lean back and relax. I’m going to lift your legs into the supports one at a time, okay?” She nods. He gets her positioned and draped then rolls his stool up to where she can see him.

“I know you prefer to see my face, but for this type of exam it just isn’t possible. I’ll keep talking to you, though, telling you everything I’m doing. So, just focus on my voice, alright?”

She nods.

“Alright. I’m moving a light into place so I can see better. I’m putting gloves on, okay?” He shows her his gloved hands. “I can’t really stop and answer questions right now, but just type them out and we’ll talk about them after, alright?” He looks up and smiles to see her nod. “Okay. Your external anatomy is very similar to that of a human female with a few notable exceptions. Your pubic hair is exceptionally fine and so transparent as to be almost invisible. Also, your outer labia are smooth and closed. When a human woman is in this position, they naturally open.” He puts his hands in her inner thighs with his thumbs along the seam of the entrance and applies a gentle stretching pressure, but to no avail.

“Zoe, honey, you’re going to have to help me.”, he says as he wheels his chair around to look at her face. “You may not be aware of this, but you’re keeping me from doing an internal exam. Now, you can either tell me to stop or relax and let me in, okay?”

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes and nods.

“Do you want me to stop?”

She shakes her head no.

“Alright then. I’ll make this quick. This time he finds he is able to part her lips. Well, that’s different. “Good. Now I want you to keep taking slow, easy breaths for me, okay? I need to insert a lighted instrument to take a tissue sample. It may make you feel full, but it shouldn’t hurt. Deep breaths now.” He slides the speculum in, swabs, and removes it almost before she’s had a chance to process what he’s done. “There.”, he says. “The worst is over. You did great. Now I’d like to check the position of your organs if you would let me insert my fingers one last time?”

She nods.

“Thank you. This time I’ll be keeping my eyes on yours.” He lubricates the fingers of his left hand, locates the opening, stands up and, keeping his eyes on hers, slides the fingers in while palpating the outside of her pelvis with her right hand, locating the uterus and ovaries, trying not to put too much pressure on her full bladder.

“Well, you seem to have all the equipment that human females have.”, he tells her, as he removes and discards his gloves. There are a few extra parts – I’m not sure if they’re organs or glands – in the general area as well, though. I’m going to finish up with an ultrasound. It’s why I had you drink all that water.”

He turns the light off and wheels it out of the way. Then he wheels up the ultrasound machine. He lowers the head of the bed so that she is lying flat. He removes her feet from the supports and helps her scoot back on the bed. “Still doing okay?”, he asks when she is settled again.

She looks at him and nods, but he realizes he is not getting a smile out of her until this is all over. He rolls her gown up under her breasts and pulls the drape down to just below her hips.

“This is going to be a little cold.”, he says, as he squirts gel onto her abdomen below her belly button and begins to spread it with the wand. Then he turns on the machine and begins to observe the monitor.

She watches his face as he presses, turns and slides the tool, stopping every now and then to press a button to capture an image. She sees a look of confusion and concern cross his face. He looks more closely at the monitor, then at where the wand is on her belly, then at her face, then back at the monitor.

She tries to get his attention, moving whatever she can.

“Zoe, honey, be still!” Then, more softly, “Just give me a minute, please, okay?” He zooms in, takes more pictures, then finally sure of what he’s looking at, turns the machine off. He hands her some towels. “Here, you can wipe off the gel and change back into your clothes. You probably need to use the bathroom, too.” He’s not looking at her, just cleaning the machine and packing it up.

She’s standing beside him holding out her communicator. _“Leonard, please, what is it?”_

He wraps her in his arms and holds her for a minute. “Zoe, go use the bathroom, put your clothes back on and meet me in my office. We’ll talk about it there, okay?”

She looks at him and nods.

Back in his office he is sitting on the couch. He motions for her to come sit beside him. She does, and he puts an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close to him.

_“Whatever this is, you do not want me looking in your eyes when you tell me.”_

“No, I don’t.”

_“Why not?”_

“Because I don’t trust what I’m feeling right now. Hell, I don’t even know if I have any right to be feeling what I am feeling right now, but I don’t have time to figure it out because I know you won't leave here until I tell you what I saw. So, please just let me tell you what you need to know. We can figure out all the rest later.”

Hearing this she turns toward him, curls her legs up under her body, wraps her arms around his chest and puts her head in the hollow of his shoulder.

“Okay?”, he asks.

He feels her nod.

“I’m pretty sure I know what that doctor did to you when you when you were fourteen that stopped your bleeding.”

She stops breathing.

“It’s called a uterine implant. It fools your body into thinking you’re pregnant.”

She pushes away from him and sits up. _“You mean for all these years there has been something inside of me that is not supposed to be there?”_ She hands him the communicator but doesn’t look at him.

“Yes.”

She holds her hand out and he gives it back. _“And this was done to keep me from procreating?”_

“That would be my guess.”

_“Why not just remove the offending organ entirely?”_

“That’s high risk major surgery. Besides, you were only fourteen. Your body needed the hormones.”

She drops her head into her hands. She is silent for a while, breathing heavily. When she lifts her head again to type he can see that, although she isn’t crying or sobbing, the tears are flowing – almost on their own. She seems oblivious to them.

_“I have heard of cultures that leave unwanted babies out in the elements to die. I think that would have been a kindness to me. How many more ways could they have found to let me know that, not only was I not wanted, but even less anything that might come from me?”_

“Would you like me to get Dr. Baker?”

She meets his eyes and shakes her head.

_What would be the point of that? What can he do?”_

“What can I do?”

She gives him a look that he hasn’t seen since she first arrived and it scares the shit out of him.

_“You can take me back out there, put me to sleep and autopsy me. Just take me completely apart. I’m of more use that way than this.”_

He reads this, tosses the communicator aside, grabs her by the shoulders and turns her to face him roughly.

Her eyes widen with shock and surprise.

“Zoe Grace,”, he says angrily, “you are going to STOP talking like that! I want you to listen to me and listen good. The next time I hear something like that come out of your mouth I will take you over my knee, do you hear me? Self-pity is childish. It is beneath you. But if you insist on acting like a child I will treat you like one, do you understand me?”

She hears the anger in his voice, but it is not in his eyes. There is something else there. Something she can’t identify. She just nods.

“Good.”, he sighs with relief. “Now come here. You’ve just had a shock. You need time. I’m sorry I was rough with you.” He lifts her onto his lap and wraps her up in his big warm arms the way he knows she likes.

After a minute he starts to speak. “I have to tell you something. I wanted to wait until I thought you were ready to hear it, but I just can’t put it off any longer.”

She tries to sit up to look at him.

“No, Kitten, don’t look at me right now, please? If you do, I might not be able to get the words out. Just listen, okay?”

She puts her head back down.

“Remember when you offered me your friendship and you said I didn't have to understand it or reciprocate – you just wanted me to accept it?”

He feels her answering nod.

“Well, Zoe Grace, I want you to know that I love you. I love you in every way humanly possible and in some ways I never knew were possible. I don’t expect you to understand what that means, and I don’t know if you will ever be able to reciprocate, but I can live with that. I just had to tell you.”

She is barely breathing.

“That’s why I got so angry just now. You are precious, and you are special, and I want to rip apart anyone who has ever hurt you with my bare hands…”

She raises a hand and puts it on his lips. They hold each other in silence for a while until she begins to nod off.

“You’re exhausted. Can I walk you back to your room?”

She considers asking him to call Nyota or a nurse but changes her mind and nods.

Neither speaks until they reach her door.

He says “Goodnight.” and turns to leave.

She throws her arms around him and hugs him so tightly it takes his breath away. She seems reluctant to let go. He lifts an arm to stroke her head, but at this she drops her arms and ducks into her room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The information revealed in this chapter is necessary, not only to Part Three of this first book, but also to Book Two.


	8. Day 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe finds a way to cope.  
> We find out how very different she is.

Day 17

07:30 –

When Zoe wakes up she messages Dr. Baker asking if he is free to walk her to her 'office' that morning. She has something she would like to ask him. Then she brews herself some tea and waits. They walk together silently. When they arrive and are seated, she hands him her communication device.

_“Dr. Baker, what does it mean when a human man tells a woman that he loves her?”_

“Well, that depends, Zoe. Why do you ask?”

_“What does it depend on?”_

“Several things. Are you looking for general information or a specific answer?”

Realizing that they could go back and forth like this for a while, she says, _“Leonard – Dr. McCoy – told me he loved me last night.”_

“I see.” Took him long enough, Baker thinks.

_“I don’t. What does it mean? How is it different from the way he has always cared deeply for me? The way I care deeply for him? I thought that was what you call love. But he made this sound different somehow.”_

“Zoe, remember the other day when you described to me what was happening to your body in the presence of the Captain?”

She nods.

“In humans those hormonal releases signal physical attraction…”

_“Yes. But I told you I am not attracted to your Captain.”_

“I’ve been thinking about that. I believe in your case the hormones are simply designed to alert you to the proximity of an available mate. Once you are aware, I believe you are then free to pursue – or not – the other criteria that you find necessary to form a lasting bond. I believe that for you attraction is the end result. However, in the case of humans, these attraction hormones are the initiators, the decision-making ones. We often interpret them as love.” 

_“Did you not tell me that these are the same hormones that are triggered by the consumption of alcohol?”_

“Some of them, yes.”

_“And don’t they serve to short-circuit the ability of the brain to think clearly and make wise decisions?”_

“That – can – be one side effect. Yes.” Huh, he never thought about it that way.

_“So, am I to understand that human love is the result of a brain that has been adversely affected in some way?”_

“No!” Oh man, he thinks. If this gets back to Bones he’ll kill me! “No, Zoe, human love can be real and rational and wonderful. Some less mature humans – men and women alike – can mistake physical attraction for love. Some confuse love and lust.”

She shakes her head in confusion.

“Try to follow me, Zoe, okay? I believe that in much the same way that your body responded to the Captain separate from your feelings, Dr. McCoy’s feelings for you are based on more than physical attraction. He is mature enough to understand that physical attraction alone is not love. It is wonderful and it doesn’t hurt, but when a man like that tells you he loves you, you can be sure it is based on much more.”

_“Are you telling me that Dr. McCoy is not physically attracted to me?”_

“No! That is not what I’m telling you. How could he not be? I mean, I can’t speak for him. If you want to know how he feels and what he thinks you will have to ask him. You asked me what it meant. You asked me how it was different from what you already felt for each other. To find out for sure you will have to talk to the man himself, but from what I have observed from watching you two together, I believe what he is trying to tell you is that he has realized that he wants to spend the rest of his life making you happy. And that includes in a physical way.”

_“So, because my body does not react in the presence of Dr. McCoy in the same way that it does in the presence of your Captain, am I to understand that my feelings for Dr. McCoy are not human love?”_

“I’ve been thinking about that and, no, I wouldn’t say that. Here’s my theory, if you want to hear it.”

_“Yes, please.”_

“You are a young, healthy woman of procreating age. Biologically, your body is programmed to send you signals to alert you to the presence of potential partners. We have found this to hold true for most species that we have encountered, so I imagine it holds true for Altans as well. However, from what little we have learned about Altan women, once you have formed a love bond you rarely form another, even if you lose your partner.”

_“This is true.”_

“So my theory is that you have been successfully resisting biology until you came across a male – Jim Kirk – whose pheromones were so strong that they overcame your defenses. You found this distressing because you were not seeking it.”

_“I see.”_

“However, I would like to propose something for you to consider. Please do not interpret this as any sort of judgement, just hear me out and give it some thought. You married Rafe at an age considered young for humans and very young for Altans. By your own admission you did not marry for traditional reasons. I do not mean to imply that this was not a real love bond. I would simply suggest that you search your own heart – both the human and the Altan side – and ask yourself if there is not the possibility for you to form another love bond, specifically with Dr. McCoy.”

She sits silently for a few minutes. Finally she types, _“Alright. Thank you, Doctor. I need to get to work now.”_  
  


12:30 -

Jim and Bones drop in to check on Zoe. They buzz at the door and she admits them. She is working and dancing, but in a slower, more subdued, trancelike manner than usual. She glances up as they come in and gives a little wave of acknowledgement.

“You see, Bones, she’s fine. Everything’s okay.”

But Dr. McCoy is not so sure. He holds up an arm to keep Jim from approaching. He regards her closely for a moment.

“No, Jim, something’s off.”, he says quietly. “Listen to this music. Look at the way she’s moving. And her eyes are half closed. Give me a minute.”

He moves closer. As he does, she keeps dancing, staying just out of reach.

“Zoe?”

She ignores him.

“Zoe, look at me, please.”

She waves the paper in her hand at him and keeps studying it while twirling and swaying.

“Jim, turn that damn music off, please! Zoe, stop dancing and look at me!”

The music abruptly ends, she slaps the paper down on the desk and stares at him, unsmiling.

“Holy cow!” Her usually hypnotic eyes are flashing and psychedelic. “Jim, she’s high!”

“Well, how about that. In that case, call you Major Buzz Kill.”

Zoe looks at Jim and smiles and he laughs.

“You two think this is funny?!”

“She rolls her eyes, looks at Jim and shrugs her shoulders.

“Of course not.”, Jim says, trying to hide his smile.

“I don’t have my medical bag with me.”, Bones says. He takes Zoe by the upper arm, “Come on, we’re going to Sickbay where I can properly check you out.”

She wrenches her arm out of his grasp and mouths “Why? What’s wrong?” Taking a step toward Jim she shakes her head and mouths “I’m fine!”

“Oh, you think you can go over my head, do you? Well, I’ve got news for you, Missy, when it comes to medical matters on this ship I outrank the Captain!”

She sees Jim shrug and half smile as Bones throws her over his shoulder to carry her out. He doesn’t set her on her feet until they are in the turbolift. Her last thought is, “That probably was not a good idea.”, as the blood that had previously rushed to her head suddenly rushes back and she blacks out.

“Damn!”, he says. And it’s déjà vu as he is once again carrying an unconscious Zoe into Sickbay.

“Private bed, please, nurse.”, he barks, as he comes through the door.

“Yes, Doctor. This way.”

“Start an i.v. with fluids.”

“Yes, Sir.”

As she does he draws some blood.

Zoe’s scan reveals an elevated but not dangerous heart rate, blood pressure and temperature. Once prone, she recovers consciousness quickly.

She thought she had seen him angry before, but this is something new.

“What. Did. You. Take?” He hands her a communicator.

She types, _“What is the matter? I know what I am doing.”_

“That is NOT what I asked you!”, he hisses.

_“I do not know the English names.”_

“Zoe Grace, you do not want to play games with me. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The hard way is I strap you to this bed and have my nurse draw as much blood from you as your body will tolerate, and I don’t let you up until our computers have analyzed the samples and told me everything I want to know. The easy way is you figure out a way to tell me. Now!”

Both Zoe and the nurse are looking at him in shock. But both know he means it.

 _“Get Mr. Spock.”,_ she types.

“Nurse, page Mr. Spock to Sickbay.”, he orders, and she wastes no time in doing so.

“Why, Zoe?”, he asks.

 _“I had to work. I needed help to get last night out of my head.”,_ she types. “ _Why are you so angry?”_

He doesn’t answer, just takes the blood sample and goes to the computer to start the analysis. When Spock arrives she describes to him telepathically the plants from the Botanical garden whose leaves she had used to make the tea. Since Bones isn’t positive which ones she means, Spock agrees to go with him to pick some and bring them back.

“Nurse, do not let her out of this bed for any reason, understood?”

“Yes, doctor.”

When they are gone the nurse asks, “Zoe, what did you do?”

Zoe looks at her for a minute and thinks, “Oh, what the hell.”, before typing, _“I self-medicated.”_

The nurse turns away to hide a smile.

 _“Why? Is that so wrong?”_ She pokes the nurse with the communicator to get her to turn around.

“Oh, honey, on this ship with this doctor, it’s a cardinal sin. And the fact that you probably do know what you’re doing makes it even worse.”

Before long the men return.

“Are these the plants?”, Dr. McCoy asks. He is still glaring at her angrily.

She nods.

“How many leaves?”

 _“Two from that one, four from that one.”,_ she types and points.

“How long did they steep?”

_“About thirty minutes.”_

“And you drank it all?”

She nods _. “And ate the leaves.”_

“How long ago?”

She thinks for a minute, then types _“Four and a half hours?”_

Dr. McCoy turns to Mr. Spock. “Thanks for your help. I need to go run some tests. Tell the Captain I’ll be up to talk to him when I’m through.”

 _“I’ve answered all your questions, can I go now?”,_ Zoe hands him the communicator.

“Oh, hell no! You aren’t going anywhere until I say so and that may be a while.”, and he begins to stalk off.

 _“Well at least tell me why you are so angry. Why are you treating me like this? What have I done that was so terrible?”_ But he is halfway across the Sickbay. He doesn’t stop when the nurse calls out to him, so Zoe throws her communicator and hits him in the back with it.

He stops, picks it up, reads it, then puts it down on a nearby desk. Without turning around he says, “Mr. Spock, I don’t have time to deal with this. If you do, be my guest. If you don’t, maybe Dr. Baker can clear it up for her.”

Spock retrieves the communicator, reads it, then contacts the Captain to bring him up to speed, requesting a little more time before returning to the bridge. With permission granted, he returns to Zoe and once more takes her hand.

He begins by telling her that he saw her notebook earlier in her thoughts, so he knows that she has more “samples” from the growing area. He assures her he did not reveal this to Dr. McCoy. He is aware from the mind-meld that she is trained and qualified in the use of these plants, that Rafe had done a thorough job of teaching her to mix and use them to help her deal with the challenges of their life together without the risk of dependence or overdose. He finds it perfectly logical that when presented with an available source of these materials she would consider making use of them again.

So far she is in complete agreement.

“However, humans have banned the use of these substances – made them illegal – due to damaging, often permanent side effects as well as the unpredictable random occurrence of addiction, not to mention death by overdose.”

 _“But that is not an issue for me.”,_ she protests.

“Nor is it for many other races, which is why it is not Federation-wide law. But Dr. McCoy does not know that about you. I neglected to add what I saw on the subject in my initial report. I will correct that oversight when we meet with the Captain later.”

_“So, if a human on this ship had done what I did it would have been a crime?”_

“Yes. And it still may be. That is up to the Captain to decide, although it would seem illogical to hold you to it. You are guilty of another crime, however. Theft.”

_“Theft? But I cost no one anything. I took nothing that would not regrow.”_

“But what you took did not belong to you, and you did not have permission to take it. I believe you knew this or why would you hide it?”

_“So, I am a criminal?”_

“Technically, yes.”

_“Mr. Spock, I did not know.”_

“I am aware.”

_“What do I do now?”_

“Allow me to plead your case to the Captain. He is a reasonable man. I am sure he will see the truth. We will inform you when any decision has been made.”

_“Yes. Thank you, Mr. Spock.”_

“Of course.”

_“Before you go, do you know why Dr. McCoy is so angry with me?”_

“I can only speculate. He is a human doctor. Perhaps he has seen the effects of substance abuse too closely. Apart from the danger he imagined you to be in, it is possible he felt that you betrayed his trust. He is the one who gave you access to the plants that brought you here today. This would not only hurt him, it would also cause him to blame himself for any consequences that may result from your actions, from whatever punishment you might receive to any physical harm you might suffer.”

He feels her heart sink. _“Oh.”_

“It seems quite evident that Dr. McCoy cares greatly for your well-being. Anger is often an easier emotion to show than fear or vulnerability or helplessness. However, I have observed that it is difficult for humans to sustain strong emotions over long periods of time. This too will pass.”

_“Thank you.”_

After he leaves Zoe gets the nurses attention and asks her to bring her a communication device. She types _“I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”_ and leaves it on the table on the side of her bed. Then she curls up in a fetal position to think about the things that Mr. Spock has told her. This is how Dr. McCoy finds her when he returns to her bedside from his research and testing about an hour later. If he sees the communicator he doesn’t acknowledge it. Her back is to him, but she doesn’t turn. She can’t bring herself to look at his eyes in case he’s still angry. He hands an emesis bowl and a towel to the nurse sitting next to Zoe. “Here, you’re going to need this.”, he says coldly. Then he moves her hair back and injects her neck with a hypospray. “I’ll be on the bridge.”, he announces, “delivering my report to the Captain.”, and he leaves the Sickbay.

As soon as he’s gone the nurse notices that Zoe’s complexion has gone sickly green. She just has time to get the bowl underneath her chin as she retches into it. She calls for another nurse to help and the two of them get her to the bathroom where, for the next half an hour they hold her shaking and sweating body as she suffers through wave after wave of violent heaving until there is nothing left to come up. They strip her of her soaked clothing, put her in a dry gown and wrap her shivering body in a blanket. She is too weak to walk, so they lift her into the bed closest to the bathroom.

Zoe asks for something to write on and they bring her a paper and pencil. _“He hurt me. On purpose.”_ And she starts to cry.

“We’re so sorry, sweetheart.”, they tell her, as they exchange angry glances.

For the next hour or more the nurses try their best to soothe her as she alternately sweats through her gown and shivers. The third time this happens one of them says, “That’s it, I’m paging the doctor.” But Zoe hears this and writes, _“NO! Please do not. I do not want to see him.”_

“But honey, there’s got to be something he can do, something he can give you that will stop this.”

The head nurse, the one who had been with her from the beginning, says, “You know what, we’ll get him down here, make him tell us what to do and then we’ll do it, alright? We won’t let him anywhere near you. Is that okay?”

She looks her in the eyes and nods.

“Stay with her.”, the first nurse says as she goes to wait by the door for Dr. McCoy.  


Appearing on the bridge, Dr. McCoy tells Kirk that he has the finished report for him detailing the drugs Zoe took and where she obtained them.

“Don’t say another word, Doctor. Spock, come with us, please. We’ll continue this discussion in my cabin.” He makes the rounds, assigns the conn, and the men make their way to his cabin.

Once there, Bones tries to continue, “I have to share in any consequences, Sir, as I gave her access…”

“Bones, sit down and shut up for a minute will you? There are not going to be any consequences.”

“But, Sir…”

“How is Zoe?”

“She’ll be fine. I gave her something to purge her system. What I don’t understand is how someone so brilliant could be so reckless with their brain cells!”

“Oh, no.”, Mr. Spock says.

“What is it, Spock?”, both men ask.

“It is too late now, but that was unnecessary.”, Spock says.

“How the hell would you know?”, Bones asks.

“Mr. Spock was explaining to me earlier that in the mind meld he saw Rafe teaching Zoe how to use those plants and others to help her cope with the unusual conditions of their life together. Between her knowledge and experience and her unique body chemistry there was never any risk of long or short-term damage or overdose.”

“And you’re just telling us this now!”

“If you recall, I did inform you that they raised and experimented with plant life. Also, that much of their research was published. I did not have the time, nor did I feel it necessary to include details that could be found elsewhere.”

“But, Jim, you saw her. She was high!”

“I saw a woman with a gentle buzz. Less than most of our crew members on a night off in the bar.”

“But she wasn’t off duty and it wasn’t alcohol.”

“That raises an interesting question.”, Kirk says. “Spock, do we know if she drinks? What effect alcohol has on her body?”

“No, Sir. I do not believe she has ever sampled fermented or distilled beverages.”

“Hmm, it might be interesting to find out. Under controlled circumstances, of course.”

“Excuse me! Could we please return to the subject at hand!”, Bones roars.

“I thought we were.”, Jim replies. “Alright, Doctor, your initial concern that Zoe might have done some damage to herself has been put to rest. Mr. Spock has explained to her that it was a betrayal of your trust to take the leaves without permission, as well as theft, but we are going to let that one slide this time, so neither one of you needs to worry about that. It seems to me that the only objection left to address is the moral one regarding her decision to partake in the course of her duties. Regardless of what led her to make that decision,” he looks at Bones pointedly, “one thing is certain. She was actually functioning above capacity. I went back to take a look at the work she did this morning and it was exceptional. Whatever she took gave her some sort of laser focus, and since we’re not asking her to operate heavy machinery, I don’t have a problem with it. So, unless there is anything else gentlemen, you can take your ‘official’ report, Bones, and lose it. Got it?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Well, you could try to sound a little happier about it. I’ve just saved us all a hell of a lot of paperwork.”

Bones looks at him and then at Spock.

“Mr. Spock, you’re dismissed. Take the conn on the bridge for me until I return, will you?”

“Aye, Captain.”

After he leaves the two men sit in silence for a while.

Finally the Captain says, “You want to talk about it?”

“We both know why she did it.”

“Your declaration of lu-uv?” Jim smiles at his friend. “So what? All’s well that ends well, right?”

“I’m not sure it has ended, let alone well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you saw me. Not only did I act like a human male, I acted like a damned Neanderthal. I must have confirmed everything her mother ever told her. Oh, god.”, and it’s his turn to go green.

“What? What is it”

“She’s right. I can’t stop thinking she’s human. The antidote I gave her. It was based on human physiology. It may have been too much.”

“How long ago did you give it to her?”

“Just before I left to come to the bridge.”

“Well, that’s been, what, almost two hours? If anything was wrong, don’t you think you would have heard something by now?”

“As if on cue, the intercom buzzes, “Captain, is Dr. McCoy still with you?”

“Yes.”

“He’s needed in Sickbay right away.”

“Very well. Thank you.”

They exchange a look and Dr. McCoy is out the door.

 

The door to Sickbay slides open to reveal his head nurse standing just inside it with her arms crossed and an angry look on her face.

“What’s going on?”

“Was that really necessary?”, she hisses.

“Careful, nurse. It was the quickest way to get that poison out of her system.”

“First, she is not an addict and this is not rehab. Second, are you so sure it even is poison to her system? She was in much better shape when you brought her in here than she has been since you left her.”

“What do you mean? Where is she?” He looks over to see the bed he left her in is empty.

“We moved her closer to the bathroom.”

“Well, are you going to tell me why you paged me?”

“Yes. You are going to tell me how to undo what you did. She finally finished practically turning herself inside out throwing up, but ever since then she has been alternating between fever and chills. We’ve had to change her at least three times already.”

“Let me have a look at her.” He makes a move to walk that way.

His nurse smoothly blocks his way and raises her hand. “No! Not happening. She begged us not to page you. Said she didn’t want to see you. She made it clear that she would continue to suffer indefinitely rather than let you anywhere near her. So, I made a promise, and unless you want to have a nurse’s strike on your hands, you are not going to make me break it. Now find me something that I can give her to make this better!” And then, in a more reasonable tone of voice, “Please.”

After a brief staredown, Dr. McCoy decides that this is not a battle he wants to fight. He goes to prepare the medication. His nurse goes to help get Zoe dried off and changed again, hopefully for the last time, and tell her that help is on the way. That done, she goes back to where Dr. McCoy is waiting with a hypospray as well as the communicator that Zoe left on the bedside table of her original bed.

“She can’t be too upset with me.”, he huffs. “I found this.”

“Well, you need to know she typed that right after Mr. Spock left and before you did. You might want to look at what she wrote when she finished throwing up.” And she hands him the written note.

He reads it and sighs, “She’s right. I need to apologize.”

“Not right now you don’t. Right now you need to leave her alone. She’s not going anywhere. There will be time for that later.”

Seeing the pain on his face, she says, “Let me go give her this so she can start to feel better. I’ll let you know when she’s ready to listen to your apology.”

“Alright nurse, thank you. Tell her that this will probably make her sleepy. Make sure that she gets plenty of fluids. I’ll be in my office. Please let me know if you need anything else.”

Yes, doctor.”

The nurse administers the medicine to Zoe. Within ten minutes the sweating and shaking has stopped and her temperature has normalized. It only takes another ten minutes before she has fallen into an exhausted sleep.

 

Captain Kirk stops by Sickbay later that evening to find out what had happened. The tension in the atmosphere is palpable. Dr. McCoy is still in his office, so Kirk stops by Zoe’s bedside first. She is pale but sleeping peacefully. The nurse on duty fills him in on the events of the past ten hours.  He decides it’s best to leave Dr. McCoy alone after all and leaves without seeing him.

 


	9. Day 18

Day 18

In the morning when Zoe wakes she motions to the nearest nurse and lets her know that she would like to return to her room.

“The doctor will have to discharge you first.” Seeing the fear on her face, the nurse says, “Don’t worry. I’ll be right here with you.”

She leaves and returns and in a little while Dr. McCoy joins them. As he approaches he can see her looking at him with something that he has only seen directed at others since she came aboard – fear. She pulls the blanket over her head like a child. When he pulls it down to conduct his exam, Zoe avoids his eyes the best she can. She is holding the nurse’s hand and trying to look only at her, flinching or wincing every time Dr. McCoy makes contact with her.

“Zoe, I’m so sorry.”, he says softly. “I didn't mean to hurt you.” But she refuses to respond. 

“Nurse, you can remove her i.v. Zoe, when that’s done, this nurse will return you to your room. I’ll send someone to bring you back here tomorrow morning so that I can check you again.” He hands her a list. “This is what you need to be eating and drinking today to replace what your system lost. Just take it slow and spread it out, okay?”

She makes no move to reply so he gets up and leaves.

The nurse walks her back to her room. Before she leaves, Zoe asks her if she would be so kind as to send the Captain and Mr. Spock to her room at their earliest convenience. The nurse agrees and leaves.

When the men arrive, Zoe is dressed, sipping something warm and thick and sketching at the table in one of her large books. She motions for them to sit and finds her communicator.

_“Thank you for agreeing to see me. I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for taking the leaves without asking. Please do not blame Dr. McCoy, he did not know.”_

“Mr. Spock explained all this, Zoe. I understand. There will be no punishment for you or Dr. Mc Coy.”

_“Thank you, Captain. Sir, I must ask you if I may be excused from my duties for the next day or two.”_

“Of course, Zoe, take all the time you need.”

She looks at him and wishes she could scream. Instead she types, _“Mr. Spock, if I may?_ ”, and obtaining his consent, reaches for his hand and pours it all into telepathic communication with him.

_“Mr. Spock”,_ she begins in Vulcan, _“please do not translate this verbatim. At this moment I am so very grateful for our mind meld and our telepathic connection. Because at this moment I seem to have lost my faculty for self-control and self-censorship. I need you to filter what I you sense through your Vulcan logic. I am grateful for the mercy your Captain has extended to me, but I am also angry and frustrated and confused. He saw me yesterday. He was not upset, he even seemed amused. Then, last night, he heard what Dr. McCoy did to me, how sick he made me. Yet there is no mention of that. Right now, I am frightened and I am hurt.”_ The tears begin to fall again. _“I do not understand the reasoning behind human behavior. Sometimes it seems unreasonably kind and sometimes it seems unreasonably cruel. I don’t know if I can deal with this. I would rather know the blow was coming than be surprised by it. Do you understand?”_

“I believe so.”

_“I trust you know that I have been paying attention to what I observe and am told. I have been working hard, doing my best to fit in to this community. But it cannot just be one way. There must also be some effort made to allow me to be who I am.”_

“Do I have your permission to discuss this with the others, for the purpose of improving our relationships moving forward?”

_“Can you interpret the turmoil that I know you are sensing in me right now?”_

“I believe I can, yes.”

_“Then, yes. Thank you.”_

“Captain, I believe we can go now.” They all rise.

_“Oh, wait.”,_ Zoe types _. “Could someone please bring me the personal items that I left behind when I was so unceremoniously removed from my “office” yesterday? They are on the couch.”_

“Certainly, Zoe. I’ll have them sent right away.”, the Captain tells her.

_“Thank you, Sir.”,_ and she extends her hand.

Surprised, he takes it in both of his, and then they turn and leave.

Once out the door, Kirk wastes no time asking Spock what the private conversation was all about. He is told that it was just faster and easier to communicate that way some things that Zoe would like shared with him and the two doctors when it can be arranged.

“Did you notice a difference in Zoe’s eyes this morning?”, Kirk asks.

“They are always different. To what exactly are you referring?”

“There was a stillness, a lifelessness. I found it disturbing.”, Kirk muses. “Get Baker in there to see her. I’m concerned about her.”

“Yes, Sir. Would you like to have this other conversation first?”

“Is it urgent or can it wait until this evening?”

“I believe it can wait.”

Kirk thinks for a minute. “Alright then. See if Baker can go now. If so, he can add what he finds out to what she told you. And request a meeting in my quarters at end of shift tonight.”

“Yes, Sir.”

 

Dr. Baker stops by to see Zoe a few hours later. She admits him, noticing that he is alone, but not caring enough to comment. She is sitting on the floor using her knees as an easel for one of the larger sketchbooks as she draws.

“Zoe, did you know that the Captain asked me to stop by and talk to you this morning?”

She shakes her head no without looking up from her sketching.

“What are you drawing?”

At this she looks up as she hugs the sketchbook to her chest. Whatever it is, he isn’t going to see it. Okay, let’s try another angle.

“You look like someone who just lost their best friend.”

She bites her lip to keep from crying and glares at him and shakes her head.

“Okay, look, I’m not trying to upset you or make you angry. I just can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

_“You really think you can help me?”_

“I want to try.”

_“Then stop treating me like a human.”_

“How do I do that?”

_“How should I know? You are the doctor.”_

“Alright, I can see this is frustrating for you. Can you at least maybe give me one example?”

_“How about the one that put me here today?”_

“That would be excellent.”

_“I am going to show you something that will probably get me thrown off this ship, because at this moment I no longer care.”_ She opens the drawer of her desk and takes out the sketch journal and the dried leaves. _“I understand that these are illegal for humans to possess and ingest. I understand that the effects can be unpredictable and damaging to the human body. But I am not human, half at the most, and I do not know exactly which half. What I do know is that I have spent a dozen years growing and experimenting on myself with these plants and others with no detrimental effects. Now, before I go further, tell me what you are thinking.”_

“I’m thinking that you have been very fortunate…” He sees the expression on her face and stops.

_“Does it even occur to you that perhaps I knew enough about my physiology to know ahead of time what effect these substances would likely have? Have I given you any reason to believe that I am someone who would take thoughtless, reckless risks? And that is the problem!”_

“I’m sorry, what is the problem?”

_“Everyone pays lip service to my otherness until it runs counter to one of their core values. Then all bets are off. Considering that, until I came aboard this ship, I had never lived among humans, I believe you would agree that I have done a fair job fitting in. Maybe fair enough that I myself have made it difficult for all of you to factor in my otherness. So, when I tell you, a human doctor and psychologist, that I have been in the habit of mixing and ingesting substances that help me to center myself, focus my thoughts, release toxicity and so on, your goal becomes to fix me, to get me to stop, correct?”_

“Well, yes.”

_“Because, for a human, this is unhealthy, escapist behavior, correct?”_

“Correct.”

_“Are you even able to entertain the possibility that for me, an Altan, it might be quite the opposite?”_

“Hmm.”

_“And while you are thinking about that, you might consider your hypocrisy.”_

“I beg your pardon?”

_“It has not escaped my notice that the humans on this ship regularly consume alcohol, a substance that in any quantity is known to have detrimental effects on most of your bodily systems and organs, causing both direct immediate damage and increased susceptibility to a number of illnesses and conditions. Yet you both condone and encourage its use.”_

He wants to object, but no good argument springs to mind.

_“So I ask you again, are you capable of treating me as the unique individual that I am? Because if not, you will wind up doing more harm than good, and I will have no choice but to leave this ship. I am sure that I will be the topic of conversation again soon. Please relay that message to the others, along with these items. The notes are in Vulcan, Mr. Spock will be able to read them. That is all I have to say. Thank you. You may go now.”_

She goes back to her sketching and does not look up again. After a few moments he takes the items and lets himself out.

 

That evening after dinner the four men meet in Kirk’s cabin. Spock shares what Zoe showed him, then Baker produces the items she gave him and relates their conversation.

“She’s given up hope of us ever being able to see her or treat her as anything other than human.” Baker says.

“That’s the deadness I saw in her eyes.”, Kirk says. “Hopelessness. There has got to be something we can do about it. Any ideas?”

Spock has been looking through her sketch journal and notes. “I believe a good place to start might be to return these and give her permission to use them as she sees fit.”

“What, all these drugs?”, Dr. Baker says.

“Exactly. Humans have one standard by which to judge the motivation for non-disease related drug use – Selfishness. Escape, avoidance, self-indulgence, entertainment. As Zoe has repeatedly attempted to remind us, she is not human. At least not fully. For her these were a known mechanism to turn off one area of her brain in order to better access another. Hers was a rational decision, made in the best interest of doing the job you had given her, Jim, while silencing the distracting information that she knew she was temporarily unequipped to understand or to deal with.”

Kirk, who had been pacing, now sits down heavily in a chair. “So, let me get this straight. What we have here is a raw ball of untapped potential who doesn’t fully understand who or what she is. She has had to figure things out pretty much on her own her whole life. We know that her mother was human - and she is depending on us to tell her what that means. We know that her father was Altan – and process of elimination is the only help we have finding out what that means. Then she had a ‘husband’ who helped her to access parts of her mind and abilities that are uncommon to either race, partly through the use of plant life that is dangerous and addictive to our species. So, from a human perspective – because, let’s face it, that’s what most of us on this ship happen to be – we have a woman who looks human, but isn’t, who can do things none of the rest of us can – for better or worse - who is light years ahead of us mentally, but has no clue how to play by the rules when it comes to things we take for granted, from physical and mental health to human love and affection. Does that pretty much sum it up?”

“Your point, Sir?”, Baker asks.

“What the hell do we do now?”

“I believe we are going to have to get better at allowing her to help us with that, and a first step in that direction is entrusting her with her own research.”, Spock suggests.

They all look at Dr. McCoy as if expecting an outburst, but there is none forthcoming.

“Bones?”, Kirk asks.

“I agree with Mr. Spock.”, he says quietly.

“Well, that’s not what I was expecting.”, Kirk says. “Or maybe it was. Would you like to explain?”

“Well, you heard Dr. Baker. She gave those things to him expecting to be thrown off the ship when he brought them to you. She also told him that if we couldn’t start trying to take her ‘otherness’ into account she would leave the ship of her own accord. She already witnessed my reaction. I believe to do as Mr. Spock suggests would be the last thing she is expecting and the only thing that might give her the hope to stick it out with us and not leave. That is what we all want, isn’t it?”

They all voice their assent.

“Well, that’s it then.”, Kirk says. Mr. Spock, you and I will go see her tomorrow and let her know what we’ve decided. We’ll follow up with you two after that.

 


	10. Day 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is forgiven...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of Part Two of Book One.  
> Stay tuned at the end for a teaser - the beginning of chapter one of Part Three.

Day 19

The next morning Dr. McCoy asks for a nurse to get Zoe to bring her to Sickbay to be examined. Nurse Watley, the nurse who was there when he brought her in, volunteers to go. “I’m not busy right now, Sir.”

“Alright, nurse.”

When she arrives Zoe buzzes her in and when the door opens she gasps in surprise. The room has been transformed. She reverently removes her boots before stepping over the threshold, letting the door close behind her. As her eyes scan the room, taking it all in, she realizes she doesn’t see Zoe. As if in response, a hand comes up from the corner of the floor by the bed, where she is curled up in a little cocoon. Nurse Watley walks over to her. Zoe indicates the floor next to her and she sits down.

“This must have taken you all night.”, she whispers in wonder.

Zoe nods.

“It’s absolutely beautiful!” From this perspective she looks up and to the right and sees a hazy sunset through some tree branches. Over to the left, through the open bathroom door, the shower has been transformed into a rocky waterfall with rivulets that run out of the doorway into the room. She notes with amazement that the paper has been joined utilizing a number of folding and tearing techniques. It reminds her of 3-D origami. Every piece is connected to another piece, but some pieces come out and across to join with others, like vines. It is mind-boggling. The more she looks, the more she sees.

“Zoe, is it alright if I ask the Captain to come see this?”

Zoe nods sleepily and sits up to lean against her.

Nurse Watley pages the Captain on the bridge. “Captain, this is Nurse Watley. If you are free, you might want to come to Zoe’s room right away. There’s something you need to see.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, Sir. I just think you are going to want to see this.”

“On my way.”

“I’ll buzz you in when you get here. Just come in quietly. Oh, and take your shoes off at the door.”

Then she pages the Sickbay. “Dr. McCoy, this is Nurse Watley. I’m going to be a little delayed getting Zoe back to Sickbay.”

“Is anything wrong?”

“No, Sir. Physically she’s the same. I just think she needs a little time right now if that’s alright.”

“Alright, nurse.”

Zoe has taken one of Nurse Watley’s hands and put it on her hair.

“Oh, that’s right, you like that, don’t you? Nyota told me. Well, lie back down, honey. I know what to do.”

Zoe curls back up like she was when the nurse walked in and she begins using her fingers to comb through her long, soft hair.

The Captain arrives with Mr. Spock to find them like that. Nurse Watley puts a finger to her lips, but it’s hardly necessary. Like her, they are left speechless by what they see. They enter the room and turn slowly, taking in as much as they can.

“What is this?”, Kirk asks softly.

“I recognize it from our mind-meld.”, Spock says. “I believe it is what you humans call your ‘happy place’. The planet where she lived with Rafe and her children.”

 

“Well, why wouldn’t she want us to take her back there, then?”, Kirk asks.

“Think about it, Captain. This”, indicating the scene before them with his hand, “doesn’t exist. It is a compilation of her memories. The planet she knew was destroyed, remember? Along with her loved ones.” He, too, continues to see more detail the deeper he looks. Squatting next to the nurse, he takes a moment to observe from the position that Zoe has chosen.

“This is where she was sleeping when you came in?”, he asks.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Look under there.” He directs her gaze to the table just outside the bathroom door, directly in Zoe’s line of sight. There are tree trunks and large rocks and several shapes and sizes and textures of foliage, so it is not easy to spot, even if you know what you are looking for, but eventually she is able to make out what Spock is drawing her attention to – two pairs of smiling eyes, peeking out at her. She glances away and looks back and they are gone! But they’re not, you just have to know what you’re looking for.

“Oh, my! Those must be her boys. What about her husband?”, she whispers.

Mr. Spock thinks for a minute and then looks up and studies the ceiling, directly above Zoe’s head. “That one is going to be harder, because his essence was difficult to pin down. I imagine he is represented in just about every pencil stroke.” Then it hits him. “She is lying in him. Has she moved from this spot since you arrived?”

“No.”

“Then my conclusion would be that whatever best represents Rafe to her is directly beneath her at this moment. Zoe has built a sanctuary for herself, a place of safety, but also a tribute to her loved ones.”

Captain Kirk, who has been observing and listening to all of this, says, “Yes, but it’s just paper and pencil. It’s so temporary.”

“I believe on some level she is aware of that, Sir. Remember what we talked about yesterday. It occurs to me that calling her a fighter does her a disservice. This woman is a warrior. The life of a warrior is one of sacrifice. She has demonstrated time and again that she will do whatever is necessary to heal her spirit, mind and body to be in a position to sacrifice again. It appears that, whether intentionally or instinctively, she has created this refuge of restoration.”

Nurse Watley speaks up. “And, for now, may I suggest that we all leave her to it? She was awake all night putting this together. Captain, I would appreciate it if you would please let Dr. McCoy know why I am not bringing Zoe back to Sickbay as requested. I’ll stay with her a little while longer until I’m sure she’s asleep.”

“Certainly, nurse.”

  
Mr. Spock returns to the bridge and Kirk goes to Sickbay to relay the nurse’s message.

“Bones, you got a minute?”

“Not really, I’m expecting my nurse to be walking in with Zoe any second.”

“Well in that case you’ve got plenty of time. Let’s go into your office.”

Once there Jim tells Bones about the last half an hour in Zoe’s room.

“Your nurse was great with her, by the way. Seemed to know just what to do.”

“That’s good. Were you able to talk to her?”

“No. She was half asleep when we got there, almost gone when we left.”

“I’ve got to go apologize to her.”

“No, Bones, your nurse is right. You need to let her sleep and heal.”

“Damn it, Jim!”, he says, his voice breaking. “She can’t leave. I can’t let her. She’s got to know how sorry I am. She trusted me with her friendship and I blew it. I don’t deserve it, but I have to get her to give me another chance.”

Shit, Jim thinks, this is so not good. This is why I try not to fall in love. “Hey, look, you’ve got to eat, right? Or at least drink? Let me treat you to dinner tonight. I’ll come get you after your shift.”

“Yeah, alright.”

  
Upon returning to the bridge Captain Kirk decides to make contact with Alta. He wants some basic information to help them all better understand who Zoe is. But what would justify such a request? His position as a Starfleet Captain might carry some diplomatic weight, but suppose he were asking as her husband? Wouldn’t that incline them to help? Satisfied that this makes sense, he composes a brief transmission to test the waters and gives it to Uhura to send. 

   
Shortly before dinnertime the Captain buzzes at Zoe’s door. She lets him in. She is awake and dressed, but sitting in the same spot on the floor where she had been sleeping. She is now sketching in one of the books. He sits in a chair at a respectful distance.

“We can add talented artist to the list of your other skills.”, he says.

She cannot think of a response, so she waits.

“Zoe, Mr. Spock and I came to tell you something earlier, but you were so tired that we decided to let it wait.” He hands her the sketch journal and dried leaves. “You may have these to do with as you see fit. I would only ask that you inform one of the doctors when you decide to make use of them so that there are no surprises like the other day. Can you live with that request?”

Her eyes grow wide in disbelief, but she nods.

“Also, when you need to refresh your supplies, please come to either me or Mr. Spock. We will be happy to take you to procure what you need.”

She quickly finds her communicator and types, _“I do not know to thank you, Sir.”_

“You can call me Jim.”, he smiles. Then seeing the hesitation and confusion on her face, he quickly adds, “Or not. Anyway, does that put an end to any question of you leaving the ship?”

She nods.

“Good. Then I have a favor to ask of you.”, he continues. “Do you remember the day when you agreed to stay on with us, and later became so upset after talking to Dr. Baker and Mr. Spock?”

She nods.

“I was the one who told Dr. McCoy that you were hurting and needed his help. I did that because I don’t like to see the people I care about in pain if there is something I can do about it.”

She waits, not quite sure where this is going.

“I know that Dr. McCoy hurt you, but I also know that his intention was to help you, even if his method was unnecessarily harsh. He made a poor choice, but I can tell you that he regrets that choice very much. Zoe, he is my friend, and he is in a great deal of pain right now. He is grieving because he believes he has lost your friendship.”

She sighs and hangs her head as tears start to form.

“I don’t know if it’s too soon to ask you to forgive him, but…”

But he doesn’t get to finish because she is on her feet, handing him her communicator on which she has typed, _“Let’s go.”_

“Thank you.”

When they get to the Sickbay, Kirk goes in, sees that everyone has left then knocks on Bones’ office door. “Bones? You ready?”, he calls.

“Yeah, come on in Jim.”

The door opens and Jim steps aside and waves Zoe in, giving her a little smile before he disappears.

“Zoe?!”

She hands him the communicator on which she has typed on the way over, _“Leonard, please forgive me. I was not myself. You are still my friend. I told you that could never change. I am so sorry.”_

He reads it and looks up to see the tears in her eyes. He just sits there staring at her. Can she really forgive him that quickly for being such an ass?

She comes around the desk and kneels in front of him to take her communicator back.

_“Do you not believe me?”_

“How can you forgive me? I can’t forgive myself.”

_“Is the great Doctor Leonard McCoy not allowed to make a mistake?”_

Is she laughing at him? “Not when it comes to someone he cares about, no.”

That is odd, she thinks to herself. A mistake is a mistake. Why would he care more about hurting one person than another? Has she misjudged him? But this is a question for another time. She types, _“It was one unfortunate decision. One decision that for another person in another situation would have been completely justified. And you allow a batter three strikes before he is out, do you not?”_

He chuckles, “What have you been reading now? Did someone tell you I like baseball?”

_“I am trying to understand my friend, that is all.”_

“Zoe, can you possibly know how sorry I am?”

 _“Yes.”_ She nods. _“I feel it. Please stop causing yourself pain. You are my friend. I cannot bear it.”_

He slides out of his chair onto the floor to embrace her. “What is it about your hugs that make everything better?”

She nods and types, _“Yours. Same.”_

They hold each other for a few silent minutes before he says, “Hey, I was promised dinner, but I’ve been hearing some amazing things about your room. I’d love to see it if you’d let me.”

She nods and they get up and walk the short distance to her room together. This time she is able to observe the effect it has. Seeing it through his eyes fills her with joy. She makes them both a cup of tea and puts his on the table. She sits and sips hers, giving him as much time as he wants to look around. When he’s satisfied, he sits down and picks up his cup.

“Their descriptions didn’t begin to do it justice. I had no idea. So, this is what it looked like? Where you lived with Rafe?”

 _“Yes and no.”_ She thinks for a while. _“It is pieces. It is memory. It is juxtaposition. Does that make sense?”_

“Kind of. Not really, but okay.”

_“It is more real than reality, but it isn’t literal.”_

“Okay.” He looks around some more. “I have the feeling we’re being watched.”

_“Watched over.”_

He looks at her. “I think I get it.”

_“I thought you might. It heals me. But you need to eat. Would you like to go somewhere else or eat here?”_

“Here is fine.”

She smiles and gestures to the replicator, indicating that she would like for him to choose. Then she goes and sits on the floor in her favorite spot with her back against the bed and waits for him to join her. As they eat he continues to look around from this new vantage point and ask her questions about some of the things he sees. He finally notices the eyes.

“Your boys?”

She nods.

“What were their names?”

She shakes her head.

“That’s okay. You don’t need to tell me.”

_“Maybe someday. I would have to teach you some of our language, written and phonetic. To transliterate would be to diminish them somehow.”_

“I understand.”

 _“You do.”_ And she regards him with wonder.

“So, do you draw people?”, he asks quickly, just needing to change the subject.

She smiles and reaches for the notebook that she had been sketching in when Kirk had come to her door earlier. She hands it to him. He flips through it. There are several quick impressions of various crew members, Spock, Baker, Kirk, himself, Nyota, and so on, but as he continues, he finds the sketches becoming larger and more detailed – and mostly of himself.

“These are very good. Has anyone else seen them?”

She shakes her head and takes the book back and closes it. Then she seems to change her mind, opens it back up, tears out the latest portrait and hands it to him.

“You want me to have this?”

She nods.

“I can see this face in the mirror any time I want. Do you do self-portraits? I’d much rather have one of you.”

She tilts her head and looks at him, as if considering his request, then takes back the offered sketch without committing to his request one way or another.

“Was that a yes or a no?”

She shrugs.

“I guess that was a ‘We’ll see.’”

She smiles and nods. Then she gets up and takes her sketch journal and plant materials out of the drawer and shows them to him. _“Captain Kirk gave these back to me this evening. Did you know?”_

“I knew he planned to, yes.”

_“This is acceptable to you?”_

“I would prefer this to you leaving.”

_“But you still do not approve.”_

“Zoe, I’m trying to deal with the fact that it isn’t my place to approve or disapprove. I’m trying to understand. I want to learn and accept who you are. Isn’t that what friends do?”

After a long pause she just nods.

“What is it?”                                                                                       

_“Nothing. I just wish it were you and I who were telepathic.”_

“Why is that, darlin’?”

_“Because words are so limited – and limiting…”_

“Zoe, it will get easier, I promise you. It may take more time – and more words – but I will get to know who you really are. Just don’t give up on me, okay? We human males are notoriously hard to teach.” He grins at her to let her know he’s teasing, and she smiles back.  

 

**End of Part Two**

 

 

 **Part Three** \- teaser...

Chapter One - 

Day 20

18:00 –

Zoe stops by Sickbay, the last appointment of the evening. She hasn’t seen Dr. McCoy yet today, they have both been busy working.

“I saved the best for last.", he says when he sees her. "Everyone else has finished up for the evening, but that’s alright. This is just a formality. Come hop up here on this biobed for me.”

She does. He notes the readings.

“I am pleased to inform you that you are officially released from doctor’s care. You no longer require medical supervision.”

He sees her smile fade slightly.

He touches her hand. “I know. I’ve grown quite fond of seeing you every day as well. Scoot over a bit.”

She does. He sits beside her.

“From time to time you have asked me to help you with things – as a friend, remember?”

She nods.

“I was wondering if you would help me with something? Ethically I didn’t feel it was right to ask you while I was still your doctor.”

Her eyes brighten. She smiles and nods.

“Well thanks, but you may want to wait before you agree. I haven’t told you what it is yet. Zoe, do you know what a kiss is?”

She nods and brings her right hand to her mouth and kisses it.

“Did you and your husband kiss?”, he asks, indicating his lips and then hers.

She shakes her head no.

“So, you have never been kissed on the mouth by a man?”

Her eyes widen as they lock on his. Funny things are happening inside of her. Her expression becomes serious and she slowly shakes her head no.

“Zoe, I want very much to kiss you. If you decide to let me, all you have to do is push me away when you’ve had enough and I’ll stop, okay?” He’s watching the biobed readings. Her pulse is racing, her temperature is rising, her breath has become quick and shallow and he hasn’t even touched her yet. But she doesn’t look afraid and she doesn’t look away. Her eyes are huge, searching his.

She nods.

He smiles, the most tender smile she has ever seen, and she responds with one of her own.

Then his big, warm hand is sliding along the right side of her face and behind her neck and his soft, moist lips are on hers, parting, caressing, whispering into her mouth, “Breathe, Zoe, darlin’, breathe.” She realizes with a start that she has been holding her breath, and she’s gone, and she’s his, and she’s feeling new things moving inside her. Just when she doesn’t know how much more she can take he releases her. She sees concern flash over his face as he notes the readings on the bioscanner.

“Are you okay?”, he asks with concern.

She nods and searches for the keyboard communicator. _“Does that happen to everyone every time they kiss?”_

He laughs. “Oh no, darlin’. If it did they’d have to make it illegal.”

_“Did you know it would happen to me?”_

“No, but I was sure hoping. That’s what I wanted to find out.”

_“Can I kiss you?”_

“Well now, I suppose that’s only fair.”

She sits up taller and turns fully towards him. She reaches out her hands but as he is leaning in she stops him with a hand to one shoulder as she runs the fingers of the other hand through his hair, fingering it. Then she lowers it to the nape of his neck tracing the area behind his ear with her thumb while her fingers brush up the bristly bottom of his haircut. She releases him, and that hand joins the other, exploring the back of his head and pulling him close as her lips begin to explore his. First the top lip, from one side to the other, then the bottom lip. Now her tongue is out the barest bit and she is sampling the spot where the two lips meet. He groans, and she stops abruptly.

Seeing the concern in her eyes, he quickly assures her that he’s fine. It was a groan of pleasure, of satisfaction. He conveniently leaves out the fact that it was also a groan of frustration. Things are going too well to risk ruining them now.

“Zoe, sweetheart, how is it that the first time you kiss you’re able to kiss like that?”

_“Are you saying you had to learn?”_

“Yes. Most of us do. It’s usually a little awkward, at least at first. I mean, like most things, some people are better than others.” As the blood returns to his brain he realizes that he is babbling a little.

_“So, you have put your lips on the lips of many other women?”_

“Yes, Zoe. I am a doctor. I perform CPR.”

No response.

“Life saving resuscitation. But I know that’s not what you mean. ‘Kissed’. The word is ‘kissed’. Zoe, honey, I’m a human male. I grew up on earth. I’ve been married. So, yes, I’ve kissed many other women. And since joining Starfleet they haven’t all been human, either. But hear me when I say this – I have never kissed anyone like you. The moment our lips touched I didn’t have to think about what to do or how to do it. It’s like your lips were telling me what they wanted. I could kiss you forever.”

_“But is it enough? I do not know what you need or if I am able to give it to you.”_

He has anticipated this. “Zoe, knowing what your life has been so far I’m not at all surprised that you’d think that. I know it’ll take time before you’re even ready to accept the possibility that what I need might also be something that you want. But I’m asking you to trust me one more time. Trust me that I will in no way try to make you do anything you don’t want to do, that you aren't ready to do. But I believe the day will come that you will ask me, and I’m willing to wait for that day.”

She sighs, closes her eyes and nods.

“So,” he asks playfully, “does this mean that I can start calling you my girl?”

 

**To be continued...**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to those who have left kudos and feedback!  
> Is anyone else reading/enjoying this?  
> Would love to hear if you are...
> 
> At first I thought I was doing this just for me, but I'm discovering that an artist feeds off an audience.  
> (When you're onstage, it's the applause. When you mount an exhibit, it's the sales and reviews. I guess here, it's the comments and kudos.)  
> So be kind - and be gentle.  
> After all, I am new to this.  
> Thanks :)


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